Hm...not too happy about this chapter either. I think I'm too ecstatic from E3 news to properly write dark/angsty stuff right now.
In Pursuit of Happiness
Chapter 29 - Silence
Charles wanted to take the words back even before they had fully left his mouth.
It was one thing to blurt something out without thinking about it, without fully considering the consequences. That was not the case here.
It was another thing to proclaim something out and welcome the consequences, to seek confrontation. That was not quite the case here either.
And it was yet another thing to throw out a measured and calm phrase. To test the situation and come up with the best approach to a difficult situation. That was so far from the case that it might as well have been on the other side of the ocean.
No, what Charles had done was horrendously stupid, inconceivably daring and altogether unadvisable. As many of Charles’s outbursts, it was also classic Charles.
That knowledge did not make Charles want to hide away from that quickly hardening amber gaze any less.
He felt like a mouse being watched by a furious eagle.
That the eagle’s voice remained calm as he spoke did not reassure Charles in the slightest. His wife was too much like his father.
“I do believe you have something to tell me.”
Charles wished to answer. He opened his mouth and wished that sudden wisdom would strike upon him, that he would know how to traverse this field of traps that had suddenly sprung around him. But even as his loose tongue had brought him to this pass, that same tongue abandoned him now when he had most need of it.
After opening his mouth and trying to force words to form in his brain, Charles was forced to concede defeat and withdraw with nary a sound.
“If you will not speak, then perhaps I ought to make my own judgments on what I have learned.”
Charles cringed.
That was sure to go worse for him for sure. Connor had always thought the worst of him, sometime justified, other times not, and Charles had every reason to believe that his wife would follow that pattern now.
But try as he might, he could not think of a single thing to say, not a single way to explain himself away. And so he stayed silent with a frozen tongue and nervous eyes.
“So be it.”
Connor pursed his lips.
“I might wonder if you speak the truth or not, but given your distressing tendency to know truths that I do not, including ones you should have no means of knowing, then it seems futile for me to pit myself against you now. I can seek evidence and the commander himself to validate this claim you would hold against him.”
He paused, and Charles flinched as that gaze burned an even brighter shade of amber, verging on deadly gold.
“The larger question is, rather, what you mean by withholding such information for so long. We are allies, or so you would have me believe. And yet , for the one torment that you know of, for the one mystery that I have sought for so much of my life, you choose to withhold it from me until now.”
Pure gold now, surrounding the black pupil. The same eyes to be found on a bird of prey. Or a wolf.
“You know so much of me. So much that I did not tell you, and yet, you knew. You knew about my people, you could pronounce my name. You even knew about my childhood friends and the elders of my early years that no one else knows of.”
Those eyes turned away, and Charles breathed a sigh of relief, only to freeze as they swiveled back to glare at him.
“And so I must believe that you know how very important such information is to me, how very important it is to discover who wronged my people all those years ago and find out why.”
Connor turned away again, and Charles could see a fine tremor wrack that slender and muscled frame.
“And yet you hide it. Even now, even this admission now is accidental. I see that you do not mean to tell me, that it is due to your own poor control over your emotions that such information slipped away from you.”
He paused, and Charles quailed in the silence of that pause.
“Tell me something. What did you hope to gain from keeping silent about this? I know you did not do so for my benefit, for there is none to be had. Did you hope to spring it on me later such that I would kill the commander for you? Did you hope to turn me against him and have myself and the Brotherhood accused of treason? Is that it?”
Charles shook his head in horror. He should’ve thought so. He should’ve, as a Templar, been planning exactly that.
“No, I—“
Connor continued on as if he had not heard him.
From the way he trembled, Charles conceded that he might not have.
“Was it simple mirth? Do you enjoy watching me wonder and struggle for information that you are in possession of? Do you enjoy watching me wander confused after that which I still remember and still dream of, even to this day?”
Charles stared.
To go back to this, when he had made such progress and finally won some measure of trust...
He held out a hesitant hand to his wife. Connor flinched back as if burnt.
“Or do you mean to lure me into some kind of a trap? Have me run off to confront the commander and have you agents waiting to kill us both while we are distracted? Is this a lie to take advantage of my weakness? Is this what you are doing now, mining my stories for my weaknesses?”
The suspicion stung and angered Charles out of his own feelings of shame.
It was unfair. He’d even saved Connor’s life and now, because of a simple mistake...
He wanted to lash out. Wanted to make Connor feel as miserable and betrayed as he did now.
Was one slip of the tongue all it took to lose him his wife’s trust? Was Connor so fickle?
Charles thought about it and became even more angry.
Who was Connor to judge him so? To make all these wild and outlandish accusations?
A trap? Hah! As if Charles needed a trap to contain Connor. He could have killed him in Bridewell and no one except the Omega’s recruits would have been the wiser. With the knowledge he’d gained from the future, he could have ended their little war months ago, destroyed Connor’s recruits before they could become real threats, burn the Davenport Homestead to the ground.
He could have done all of that, so how dare Connor accuse him so?
He opened his mouth to respond to the accusations, to hurt Connor as much as he was hurt right now. An eye for an eye. That was how Charles operated.
But then he saw how those shoulders shook. He couldn’t see Connor’s face anymore. The boy was turned away from him, and his hair created a veil to hide him from Charles.
But he could see wet droplets on the hands clenched against thighs.
And the words on his tongue deserted him again, leaving him bare and alone.
In Pursuit of Happiness 29
In Pursuit of Happiness
Chapter 29 - Silence
Charles wanted to take the words back even before they had fully left his mouth.
It was one thing to blurt something out without thinking about it, without fully considering the consequences. That was not the case here.
It was another thing to proclaim something out and welcome the consequences, to seek confrontation. That was not quite the case here either.
And it was yet another thing to throw out a measured and calm phrase. To test the situation and come up with the best approach to a difficult situation. That was so far from the case that it might as well have been on the other side of the ocean.
No, what Charles had done was horrendously stupid, inconceivably daring and altogether unadvisable. As many of Charles’s outbursts, it was also classic Charles.
That knowledge did not make Charles want to hide away from that quickly hardening amber gaze any less.
He felt like a mouse being watched by a furious eagle.
That the eagle’s voice remained calm as he spoke did not reassure Charles in the slightest. His wife was too much like his father.
“I do believe you have something to tell me.”
Charles wished to answer. He opened his mouth and wished that sudden wisdom would strike upon him, that he would know how to traverse this field of traps that had suddenly sprung around him. But even as his loose tongue had brought him to this pass, that same tongue abandoned him now when he had most need of it.
After opening his mouth and trying to force words to form in his brain, Charles was forced to concede defeat and withdraw with nary a sound.
“If you will not speak, then perhaps I ought to make my own judgments on what I have learned.”
Charles cringed.
That was sure to go worse for him for sure. Connor had always thought the worst of him, sometime justified, other times not, and Charles had every reason to believe that his wife would follow that pattern now.
But try as he might, he could not think of a single thing to say, not a single way to explain himself away. And so he stayed silent with a frozen tongue and nervous eyes.
“So be it.”
Connor pursed his lips.
“I might wonder if you speak the truth or not, but given your distressing tendency to know truths that I do not, including ones you should have no means of knowing, then it seems futile for me to pit myself against you now. I can seek evidence and the commander himself to validate this claim you would hold against him.”
He paused, and Charles flinched as that gaze burned an even brighter shade of amber, verging on deadly gold.
“The larger question is, rather, what you mean by withholding such information for so long. We are allies, or so you would have me believe. And yet , for the one torment that you know of, for the one mystery that I have sought for so much of my life, you choose to withhold it from me until now.”
Pure gold now, surrounding the black pupil. The same eyes to be found on a bird of prey. Or a wolf.
“You know so much of me. So much that I did not tell you, and yet, you knew. You knew about my people, you could pronounce my name. You even knew about my childhood friends and the elders of my early years that no one else knows of.”
Those eyes turned away, and Charles breathed a sigh of relief, only to freeze as they swiveled back to glare at him.
“And so I must believe that you know how very important such information is to me, how very important it is to discover who wronged my people all those years ago and find out why.”
Connor turned away again, and Charles could see a fine tremor wrack that slender and muscled frame.
“And yet you hide it. Even now, even this admission now is accidental. I see that you do not mean to tell me, that it is due to your own poor control over your emotions that such information slipped away from you.”
He paused, and Charles quailed in the silence of that pause.
“Tell me something. What did you hope to gain from keeping silent about this? I know you did not do so for my benefit, for there is none to be had. Did you hope to spring it on me later such that I would kill the commander for you? Did you hope to turn me against him and have myself and the Brotherhood accused of treason? Is that it?”
Charles shook his head in horror. He should’ve thought so. He should’ve, as a Templar, been planning exactly that.
“No, I—“
Connor continued on as if he had not heard him.
From the way he trembled, Charles conceded that he might not have.
“Was it simple mirth? Do you enjoy watching me wonder and struggle for information that you are in possession of? Do you enjoy watching me wander confused after that which I still remember and still dream of, even to this day?”
Charles stared.
To go back to this, when he had made such progress and finally won some measure of trust...
He held out a hesitant hand to his wife. Connor flinched back as if burnt.
“Or do you mean to lure me into some kind of a trap? Have me run off to confront the commander and have you agents waiting to kill us both while we are distracted? Is this a lie to take advantage of my weakness? Is this what you are doing now, mining my stories for my weaknesses?”
The suspicion stung and angered Charles out of his own feelings of shame.
It was unfair. He’d even saved Connor’s life and now, because of a simple mistake...
He wanted to lash out. Wanted to make Connor feel as miserable and betrayed as he did now.
Was one slip of the tongue all it took to lose him his wife’s trust? Was Connor so fickle?
Charles thought about it and became even more angry.
Who was Connor to judge him so? To make all these wild and outlandish accusations?
A trap? Hah! As if Charles needed a trap to contain Connor. He could have killed him in Bridewell and no one except the Omega’s recruits would have been the wiser. With the knowledge he’d gained from the future, he could have ended their little war months ago, destroyed Connor’s recruits before they could become real threats, burn the Davenport Homestead to the ground.
He could have done all of that, so how dare Connor accuse him so?
He opened his mouth to respond to the accusations, to hurt Connor as much as he was hurt right now. An eye for an eye. That was how Charles operated.
But then he saw how those shoulders shook. He couldn’t see Connor’s face anymore. The boy was turned away from him, and his hair created a veil to hide him from Charles.
But he could see wet droplets on the hands clenched against thighs.
And the words on his tongue deserted him again, leaving him bare and alone.