Not sure how I feel about this. The angst struck me as a bit forced, but hopefully, with practice, I'll be able to write it more naturally.
In Pursuit of Happiness
Chapter 30 - Betrayal
Connor thought that nothing could surprise him. Nothing could hurt him. But this...
He clenched his jaw as he fought against the warmth in his eyes.
He would not show such weakness. He would not.
Wetness slid down his cheek, and his teeth ached with the pressure he forced on them.
It was ridiculous of him, and he knew it. It was ridiculous to get so upset over something so trivial.
A single piece of information, nothing more than that. And one that, when all was said and done, was really not that surprising.
The commander was a soldier, had been in the army for long before Connor knew him. He now served in the continental army, but he used to serve with the British army, clothed in the same red coats that they now took aim at.
That it was George Washington rather than another one of the generals was unexpected, but one did not rise quickly in the ranks as the commander did without making questionable judgments. That Connor’s people suffered from one of those questionable judgments was infuriating, but Connor knew enough of the world to understand how very much sense it all made.
Really, he did.
He bit his lip and tried to hold back the tremors he could feel crawling up his body.
He was not even sure he believed Charles Lee. The Alpha’s dislike of the commander was well-known, even by those wholly unaware of the Templar Order and their dislike of George Washington. It was completely possible that the Templar Alpha had thrown that accusation at Connor simply due to his own hatred of the commander.
To Connor’s dismay, the argument felt stale even within the confines of his own mind. The accusation having been blurted out, without any sense of care or thought or reflection...it was clear that it was what Charles Lee truly believed.
It did not mean it was true. Connor would not believe such slander until he had proof, until the commander confirmed it himself.
And if that happened...
If that happened, Connor was not sure what he would do.
He had meant what he said days earlier. He would be more careful in who he killed and why. Life, even the life of an enemy, was too precious to waste without thought. But such treachery, and by the commander of all people...
Connor could not think of this now. It was too much. He would think about it when he knew for sure.
Now was for something else.
Now was keeping at bay the utter sense of betrayal he felt.
Charles Lee had clearly known this for a while, if he blurted it out so. He had clearly known, or thought he had known, and made the decision not to tell Connor earlier. He knew so much about Connor, about his life and what he held dear, and to deliberately keep this from him was...
Connor had thought they were beginning to trust each other. He had thought that the Alpha was not as bad as he had thought, had even begun to like the man.
The Alpha had good stories and was very patient with Connor. Connor had detected very little trace of condescension in his voice, in the way he looked and interacted with Connor. They had saved each other’s lives and shared each other’s stories, and Connor had really thought that he had been wrong about the man.
That Charles Lee was a good man, following sometimes terrible goals. That the Alpha was rather likeable. That he would be an interesting comrade, a clever ally. A worthy companion.
The heat behind his eyes grew, and Connor wanted to ball his fists into his face. Instead he kept them locked against his thighs. He would not be weak. He would not.
And it was really nothing. He did not even understand why he felt so betrayed. It was not as if Charles Lee was one of his bosom friends.
He had only just come to know the Alpha better. They had even been enemies not so long ago!
Really, it was such a trifling matter to get so upset about, and Connor did not know why the wetness on his cheek grew slicker as the seconds flew by.
He was just so frustrated.
The Alpha had suddenly waltzed directly into his life only a few months ago and turned everything he knew upside down. He had proven himself innocent and shown that he knew much more about Connor and his life than Connor had ever believed possible. He had caused Connor to doubt his own commitments in life and question his Brotherhood’s stance in all things Templar, and then he had saved Connor’s life at great risk to his own.
And just when Connor was beginning to get used to this new paradigm and think of the Alpha as a real ally—as a friend—he did this.
And Connor’s entire world shook.
He could not trust his old ideals, he could not trust himself, he could not trust the knowledge he had thought he had, and now he cannot trust George Washington or Charles Lee? Or his father?
It had been different before. He could not trust Charles Lee or his father before, but they had been enemies then. Now, now they were supposed to be allies. Now he was finally beginning to trust and like them.
And who could he trust now? What would he trust now? If even a man such as George Washington was suspect, if such accusations were true...
Did Samuel Adams know of it? Did Achilles?
Was that why his mentor had not wanted him to share any information about their activities with George Washington?
Had everyone kept this from him?
Tremors seized his body, and Connor could not stop the shaking of his fists even as he kept them pressed tightly against his thighs.
No. He knew that to be false. His recruits, at least, would have had no way of knowing. And Achilles may be an old friend of Samuel Adams, but Connor knew him. He knew that his mentor would not keep such information from him. He knew it.
The trembling ceased somewhat.
But it was a heavy blow. And Charles Lee, that bastard Templar Alpha, spoke not a single word to explain.
And why should he? He clearly felt no compunction against keeping such a secret for who knew how long.
Connor suddenly felt stifled in the room.
Sickbay, a place for those recovering and a place for those dying. Connor was neither.
He needed to be away from it.
He needed to be away from Charles Lee.
He needed time to think without hating himself for his weakness in front of Charles Lee.
Connor abruptly stood and shoved the chair back to the table he had borrowed it from. He kept his face averted the entire time.
He did not want to see Charles Lee.
“I have chores to do. I will expect an explanation later.”
In Pursuit of Happiness 30
In Pursuit of Happiness
Chapter 30 - Betrayal
Connor thought that nothing could surprise him. Nothing could hurt him. But this...
He clenched his jaw as he fought against the warmth in his eyes.
He would not show such weakness. He would not.
Wetness slid down his cheek, and his teeth ached with the pressure he forced on them.
It was ridiculous of him, and he knew it. It was ridiculous to get so upset over something so trivial.
A single piece of information, nothing more than that. And one that, when all was said and done, was really not that surprising.
The commander was a soldier, had been in the army for long before Connor knew him. He now served in the continental army, but he used to serve with the British army, clothed in the same red coats that they now took aim at.
That it was George Washington rather than another one of the generals was unexpected, but one did not rise quickly in the ranks as the commander did without making questionable judgments. That Connor’s people suffered from one of those questionable judgments was infuriating, but Connor knew enough of the world to understand how very much sense it all made.
Really, he did.
He bit his lip and tried to hold back the tremors he could feel crawling up his body.
He was not even sure he believed Charles Lee. The Alpha’s dislike of the commander was well-known, even by those wholly unaware of the Templar Order and their dislike of George Washington. It was completely possible that the Templar Alpha had thrown that accusation at Connor simply due to his own hatred of the commander.
To Connor’s dismay, the argument felt stale even within the confines of his own mind. The accusation having been blurted out, without any sense of care or thought or reflection...it was clear that it was what Charles Lee truly believed.
It did not mean it was true. Connor would not believe such slander until he had proof, until the commander confirmed it himself.
And if that happened...
If that happened, Connor was not sure what he would do.
He had meant what he said days earlier. He would be more careful in who he killed and why. Life, even the life of an enemy, was too precious to waste without thought. But such treachery, and by the commander of all people...
Connor could not think of this now. It was too much. He would think about it when he knew for sure.
Now was for something else.
Now was keeping at bay the utter sense of betrayal he felt.
Charles Lee had clearly known this for a while, if he blurted it out so. He had clearly known, or thought he had known, and made the decision not to tell Connor earlier. He knew so much about Connor, about his life and what he held dear, and to deliberately keep this from him was...
Connor had thought they were beginning to trust each other. He had thought that the Alpha was not as bad as he had thought, had even begun to like the man.
The Alpha had good stories and was very patient with Connor. Connor had detected very little trace of condescension in his voice, in the way he looked and interacted with Connor. They had saved each other’s lives and shared each other’s stories, and Connor had really thought that he had been wrong about the man.
That Charles Lee was a good man, following sometimes terrible goals. That the Alpha was rather likeable. That he would be an interesting comrade, a clever ally. A worthy companion.
The heat behind his eyes grew, and Connor wanted to ball his fists into his face. Instead he kept them locked against his thighs. He would not be weak. He would not.
And it was really nothing. He did not even understand why he felt so betrayed. It was not as if Charles Lee was one of his bosom friends.
He had only just come to know the Alpha better. They had even been enemies not so long ago!
Really, it was such a trifling matter to get so upset about, and Connor did not know why the wetness on his cheek grew slicker as the seconds flew by.
He was just so frustrated.
The Alpha had suddenly waltzed directly into his life only a few months ago and turned everything he knew upside down. He had proven himself innocent and shown that he knew much more about Connor and his life than Connor had ever believed possible. He had caused Connor to doubt his own commitments in life and question his Brotherhood’s stance in all things Templar, and then he had saved Connor’s life at great risk to his own.
And just when Connor was beginning to get used to this new paradigm and think of the Alpha as a real ally—as a friend—he did this.
And Connor’s entire world shook.
He could not trust his old ideals, he could not trust himself, he could not trust the knowledge he had thought he had, and now he cannot trust George Washington or Charles Lee? Or his father?
It had been different before. He could not trust Charles Lee or his father before, but they had been enemies then. Now, now they were supposed to be allies. Now he was finally beginning to trust and like them.
And who could he trust now? What would he trust now? If even a man such as George Washington was suspect, if such accusations were true...
Did Samuel Adams know of it? Did Achilles?
Was that why his mentor had not wanted him to share any information about their activities with George Washington?
Had everyone kept this from him?
Tremors seized his body, and Connor could not stop the shaking of his fists even as he kept them pressed tightly against his thighs.
No. He knew that to be false. His recruits, at least, would have had no way of knowing. And Achilles may be an old friend of Samuel Adams, but Connor knew him. He knew that his mentor would not keep such information from him. He knew it.
The trembling ceased somewhat.
But it was a heavy blow. And Charles Lee, that bastard Templar Alpha, spoke not a single word to explain.
And why should he? He clearly felt no compunction against keeping such a secret for who knew how long.
Connor suddenly felt stifled in the room.
Sickbay, a place for those recovering and a place for those dying. Connor was neither.
He needed to be away from it.
He needed to be away from Charles Lee.
He needed time to think without hating himself for his weakness in front of Charles Lee.
Connor abruptly stood and shoved the chair back to the table he had borrowed it from. He kept his face averted the entire time.
He did not want to see Charles Lee.
“I have chores to do. I will expect an explanation later.”
And with that, he hastily exited the room.
Charles Lee remained silent.