asscreedkinkmeme | Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 5

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assassin's creed

Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 5

Assassin's Creed Kink Meme pt.5
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Um, first time AC writer shyly leaving this here... I apologise if it's bad. It was written at ten to two in the morning, and I'm pretty awful at understanding innuendo myself... Also, I have no idea how to format on dreamwidth. This'll look dreadful.

*Note - the following innuendo is probably not historically accurate.

---

It seemed to Connor that, on occasion, people would say very unusual things.

Like the time that Patriot soldier commented that he had "a huge sword". He was, in fact, armed with a musket. When Connor pointed this out to him, the soldier sighed, almost as if he were disappointed and walked away shaking his head.

Or the time a woman in a coffee house asked if the weapons on his back were the only weapons he was carrying. Whilst the jokey tone of her speech made Connor hesitate, the words were enough to make him suspect her a templar agent, and the ensuing debacle earned him a two hour long lecture from Achilles about the Creed and never harming an innocent. When Connor tried to explain, the old man stared at him incredulously, before shaking his head.

As he got older, the number of times men and women said these strange things to him seemed to increase. And that simply didn't make sense. Surely his grasp of the English language should be improving with age? Perhaps there was something wrong with him.

Now, he was seated in a tavern with Haytham, waiting for the wind to be right for the Aquila to set sail from Boston's harbour. The air was tense, his father just having lambasted him over actually caring about the emotions of other people or some such thing, when a drunken sailor stumbled over, sprawling over the bar next to Connor. Knowing it would irritate Haytham, Connor twisted slightly to face him. "Are you alright?"

The sailor looked up at Connor, his eyes not really focusing on anything. "Did ya know..." The sailor said, "that there are over two hundred bones in t' human body?"

That seemed... strange. "No." He admitted, ignoring his father's tutting in the background. He felt himself bristling at that. Biology wasn't really important to an assassin, unless it was 'stabbing a person here will do this-and-that to them'.

The sailor grinned in a way Connor found somewhat unsettling. "Wouldya like one more in there?"

"Oh God..." Haytham groaned, wincing as if pained and pinching his nose tightly.

Connor was now completely confused. "But... how would you get another bone in there? And what purpose would it serve? I don't understand."

"Of for the love of..." His father now sounded as if he was in serious pain. "Why has my life come to this...?"

"A bone." The sailor repeated. Connor's frown intensified. "A bone, you bloody jungle boy!"

"Enough." Haytham snapped, finally turning to look at the sailor. "Leave my son in peace. At once."

The sailor grumbled darkly and stumbled off, falling over twice in the process. Connor turned back to his drink and frowned. Another bone...? From what he knew of skeletons, each bone was connected to another. Surely one could not merely put another one in. And where would you put it? There wasn't a lot of room. Perhaps in his leg? No, his legs were fairly bony... Perhaps his chest? But his ribs were already there. Surely there wouldn't be enough space?

"Connor, what on earth are you pulling that face for?" His father snapped. "You look as if you have something wrong with you."

"I'm thinking." Connor responded sharply.

"What on earth about?" Haytham paused before pulling a face, which Connor thought looked like there was something wrong with him. "Please tell me you're not considering taking up that man's offer. I would have hoped a son of mine would have some taste and decorum."

"Offer?" Connor's irritation turned back into confusion. "What offer? The... bone? I don't understand what use I'd have for an additional bone."

The look on his father's face was a mixture of confusion, incredulity, mild disgust and a tiny hint of amusement. "You..." It sounded almost as if he was unsure whether to laugh or cry. "You have no idea what that man was trying to say to you, do you?"

"... Not really." Connor admitted, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. "Apart from it had to do with bones."

"He didn't mean a literal bone -" Haytham paused, then shook his head. "No, I'm not having this conversation."

"What conversation?"

"Never mind Connor. Just drink your ale."

Not op, but omfg this is hilarious and totally made my day (literally, I had to go to work bright and early on Remembrance Sunday, very not fun).

Oh Connor, darling, come here you silly thing. This had me rolling aroun in laughter, dear Nonnie! Haytham is perfectly exasperated ("He didn't mean a literal bone -" Haytham paused, then shook his head. "No, I'm not having this conversation.") and Connor is perfectly confused.

Bones. I will never think of them in the same way ever again.

"Leave my son in peace. At once."

LOL! Yes, good idea, Haytham, pull the protective daddy card! Seriously, though, Haytham's despair and Connor's absolute floundering confusion at the question was amazing. Grade A comedy, oh my god.

I loved this! It made me laugh. :D

Gawd... I can't... Wheezing from laughter. THIS IS PERFECT WRITER-ANON.

Captcha: If the bread is pink, I'll be more concerned to throw it away rather than wondering what colour it is.

XD Oh gosh! Adorable~ Now I want to see Haytham getting exasperated and showing him what they meant <3

Assassins don't have use for biology, eh? Sheesh, what has Achilles been teaching you then? XD

Oh wow this was so cute and funny. I love how Haytham didn't want to explain. 'Nope, I'm not going to give his the birds and bees. Achilles can do that.' Such a nice father. And Connor's though process was priceless. You are a genius.

Dear anon, that was brilliant! Poor confused Connor and poor exasperated Papa Kenway.

OP loves this loves loves loves this it's so adorable and perfect sjcjsnff

haha anon this is brilliant!!!! I love confused Connor so much

OH god this is so brilliantly, fantastically adorable!!! THANKYOU!

Wahahaha! I love how even in the end Connor is still clueless. XD rofl.

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Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 5

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