asscreedkinkmeme | Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 5

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assassin's creed

Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 5

Assassin's Creed Kink Meme pt.5
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Join or Die

✩ Comment anonymously with a character/pairing and a kink/prompt.

✩ Comment is filled by another anonymous with fanfiction/art/or any other appropriate medium.

✩ One request per post, but fill the request as much as you want.

✩ The fill/request doesn't necessarily need to be smut.

✩ Don't flame, if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything.

✩ Have a question? Feel free to PM me.

✩ Last, but not least: HAVE FUN!

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#2 (Livejournal) Archive
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(Dreamwidth) Archive <- Currently active
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
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Discussion

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So, I saw this really funny picture of Haytham face-palming and saying "Lee pulls my ponytail, and eats bananas staring at me." I showed it to a friend and now we can't stop making jokes about it! This OP requests a hilariously cracktastic HaythamxLee. Lee must aggravate the hell out of Haytham, eating bananas and being generally annoying until Haytham can't take it anymore. He decides to get payback, one day slamming a banana down on a table when Lee isn't paying attention and eating some other fruit. Then hardcore, almost non-con sexytimes ensues! Haytham is commanding and cruel, and Lee is very, VERY regretful of ever incurring the Grand Master's ire in the first place.

Bonus points: Very rough sex, Lee humiliation, erotic use of bananas DURING sex, Lee reduced to tears, Haytham not accepting Lee's desperate apologies, and also Lee's first time! (and may or may not be Haytham's)

If any anon is interested at all in this or wants to fill it, I LOVE YOU! <3

Holy shit.

Oh man I have so many fills

But oh my god I really want to write this.

I can't promise anything but would you be all right with a modern AU?

Oh yes! Someone is interested! This made my day <3 Thank you soooo much!

A Modern AU? I honestly never thought of that when I first made the prompt, but that sounds like a fun idea :3

OOPS, sorry XD That last reply was really me! I'm still new to this and it was my first-ever prompt ^^; Please forgive me aahh

Potential author-from-above here! No worries, it's an easy mistake to make! :)

In all honestly I can't imagine anything crackier than a modern AU with added bananas. I'll just finish up the short fill I'm currently doing, and hopefully you'll have a three-or-four chapter crackfest within the week. :3

Oh my goooooosh, I need this! 8D Do iiiit dooo it please god do iiit <333
Do you have any requests on here? I may be able to fill it (I've only played AC3 though.) If you'd be so kind to answer this, I'd be really grateful: I've seen several prompts on here that I'd want to fill, but they are several months old! If I respond to it now will anyone see/find it? :o

Completely different anon here, just whizzing in to say: If it's on this part, I'll see it. I like to view the meme in flat view, which means I see all new posts as they come up. I'm not sure how many other people do this, but for a small meme like ourselves, it's the easiest way to track stories.

Another different anon here to say I also use the flat view and everyone who does so gets to see every single new post without fail, so even if you fill something on page 2 or 3, anyone viewing the meme in flat view won't miss it!

Sorry for the uber-long reply! If possible, you ought to post your fill to the original prompt post. Mostly, that's because reposting the prompt and posting the fill on a newer page makes it a pain for archivers and the OP might not see it, and it's usually considered bad manners to repost until we reach a new round.

I would recommend posting on the original prompt to say that there is an interested author-anon, and work on the fill for a few days or so before posting it also on the original prompt. Usually the OP will check the prompt every so often while the meme is active, and there's a few people (like me) who use flat view, so see the newest posts and not threads, so you should get a response from somebody. Don't be disheartened if you don't hear from anybody though! There are lots of lurkers here and that's OK. There are lots of people who are too shy to post, and that's OK. There's a lot of people who are using their mobiles or shitty internet connections and that's OK.

It's common practice to crosspost fills to places like AO3 and fanfiction.net, so it's likely the OP will be using one of those sites as well. Either way, people will definitely see it if you use an archive site, even if they aren't tracking the kink meme thread. I recommend AO3, since it has more flexible rules and better feedback systems. And also it doesn't purge fics with... uh... explicit or creepy content, shall we say?

If you remember the gist of the prompt but can't find the exact post, then you could post the fill, and ask for a kind anon to give you the link to the fill if they've got it bookmarked. That's allowed, and totally OK.

I do have a couple of requests on here, actually... they're all kind of silly though. And templar-y... >_< Here are a couple of the more recent ones, if you're interested at all...

http://asscreedkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1795.html?thread=10091523#cmt10091523
http://asscreedkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1795.html?thread=10131203#cmt10131203
http://asscreedkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1795.html?thread=10206211#cmt10206211

I'd see the fill hit my Inbox, since I have each Part tracked, and anyone that comments in that part hits my inbox.

If you have an account w/ Dreamwidth, I highly recommend using the track feature (you can track individual comments, so find which prompts you like and click the little bell! You get 25 Inbox tracking for free accounts...I just track the Part # and delete comments/fills I don't read as I go. I know you get a lot more tracking w/ paid accounts, though ~~I'm too cheap, and this is the only meme I watch.~~)

Wow, thank you all so much for the info, kind anons! I have never been to AO3, but I have a fanfiction account. I may reveal it if I end up filling some things here (pretty sure I will) haha. I'm thinking about attempting to fill some lonely prompts that never received any attention that were in the earliest parts of the meme but were really great ideas. Thank you all again for taking the time to reply to my question! :'D

I promise to come up with a sillier title later! In the meantime, I hope this will tide you over until I can write the actual... ah... lesson.

Haytham Kenway was really not having a very good day. There were many reasons for this.

For instance, his mortal enemy, George Washington-- no, not that one, he'd been dead for centuries. No, this George Washington was the businessman who, while bearing an uncanny resemblance to the Founding Father, was actually a half-Norwegian Canadian hailing from Montreal, with no blood ties to the real Washington whatsoever. The businessman who had somehow managed to get his hands on plans Haytham had for the new advertising campaign for Abstergo Industries' latest generation of personal entertainment devices, thus leading to the Farm Corporation releasing their new (plagiarised) ads on Youtube five minutes before the meeting about said advertising campaign was due to start.

Of course, that was only a minor inconvenience, Haytham being to sort of man who kept at least three backup plans on his person at all times. It was still a rather horrid surprise, of course, and meant he needed to weed out whoever had sold said plans to Washington in the first place. They would beg for mercy when he was done with them- though of course as a terribly cultured English gentleman he wouldn't do anything illegal.

There were a number of smaller reasons, too, such as the fact he'd received a kiwi-strawberry white chocolate mocha frappe instead of the plain americano he'd actually ordered at the Starbucks his son worked at (though today was not one of the days Connor usually worked on). The manager, one Ezio Auditore, had evidently been more preoccupied with getting the phone numbers of the girls in the queue than paying attention to Haytham's order. Needless to say, he did not tip his usual ten dollars.

The frappe had been rather tasty, admittedly, but it had meant he'd had to make do with shitty vending-machine tea when he'd gotten back to his office. Shitty vending-machine tea was not something any British person ever wished to drink, but considering that Thomas Hickey had shown up to work hungover and vomited in the teapot Haytham kept in his office, he had to put up with it.

The icing on the metaphorical cake of misfortune and general unhappiness, however, was Charles.

Charles Lee, his supposed best friend and current flatmate, though Haytham was seriously considering moving out. When he'd first come to America, Charles had enthusiastically offered him a place to stay until he could sort an apartment out for himself (though at the time he had been a mere work colleague), and their living arrangements really hadn't changed very much since then. The only differences were that both their names were on the lease, which occasionally lead to some rather… queer misunderstandings, and that Haytham's until-recently-estranged son, Connor, was living in the guest room while he attended college.

Long story short, Haytham found himself explaining "no, we're not a couple, we just live together" more often than he would like to.

Charles, however, seemed to have very different ideas, and seemed to actively try to encourage these misunderstandings, with his rather fastidious ideas on how clothing ought to be co-ordinated, and his rather odd mannerisms and habits. Oh, he could overlook the way Charles insisted on lounging around half-undressed around their apartment, and his tendency to oh-so-subtly create innuendos where none ought to exist, and he could even ignore the way Charles would tug at his ponytail every time he walked past. But there was one particular thing Charles tended to do which really did irk Haytham to no end.

The way he ate bananas.

Haytham was well aware it wouldn't sound like much to someone who'd never seen it. After all, lots of people ate bananas erotically. It's just that none of them had mastered the ability to deep throat a piece of fruit quite as disturbingly as Charles could.

Why was it disturbing? Oh, Haytham could write essays on why Charles' fruit fellatio was disturbing, but the most horrifying thing about the ordeal was that Charles would make eye contact with Haytham whenever possible, casually sliding the long shaft of the fruit out of his mouth as seductively as he could while still apparently unaware he'd just shoved a banana three inches down his throat with no gag reflex in sight.

And he had the gall to attempt to make conversation whenever said saliva-slicked banana was not being fucked by his throat.

"Morning, Haytham. There's a fresh pot of tea by the stove. How did you sleep?"

"Have you seen my Chanel tie, Haytham? The blue one with silver and the-- oh. All right."

"We're out of milk, so don't bother looking. Do you have enough time to pick some up before work?"

That bastard.

Still, the past four days, Charles had been unable to eat anything, having come down with some form of stomach bug. Which, while Haytham did not enjoy seeing Charles so sick and being forced to play nursemaid, meant that he was not unpleasantly surprised by Charles and his god damned banana habit.

In any case, they were out of bananas. He'd kidnapped the last of them the other day and handed them to a homeless man on the way to work, while Charles was still too sick to do anything but sip weakly at some tea. After the day he'd had, the last thing he needed was the sight of Charles' banana habit.

As he pondered how early he could leave the office without pissing Vidic off, his cellphone vibrated. A text message.

we r out of bananas. please buy some more on way home. xxx

A text message from Charles. He was clearly feeling well enough to start eating again, and therefore continue his banana habit. Wonderful.

Haytham gritted his teeth and thought very hard about whether murdering Charles would be worth the hassle of being arrested and tried and almost certainly sent to prison. It was with a heavy heart that he decided that no it wouldn't be. He'd heard the stories about what happened to good-looking men in jail. Charles might enjoy that sort of thing, but Haytham certainly would not.

He resisted the urge to throw his phone out of the window in frustration. What was one to do about a near-stalkerish wannabe-boyfriend flatmate who had a fucking horrible banana habit?

…Wait.

Charles' habit was the result of pent-up sexual frustration and a slightly creepy obsession with Haytham, wasn't it? So perhaps the solution to his problems would be to just indulge Charles for a few hours and hopefully he would never even have to think about a banana being abused ever again.

Haytham fought back a grin, and jotted down a short shopping list. Bananas, of course. Lubricant, condoms, some strong spirits (for afterwards, they'd both need a drink)…

He spent most of the walk home being alternately squicked out and rather interested by the information he found on Google.

Charles would never be able to look at a banana the same way again, if everything went the way Haytham hoped.

OMGGGGG!!!!! LMFAOOOOO X'''''''''DDDDD This was sooooooo, SO worth the wait. *^* There's no way this cracktastic awesome-fest could ever be more perfect than this <33333 Thank you for making this omgomg I've never laughed so damn much reading anything in my entire life homggggplzhavemybabiezzz
I CANNOT WAIT for part 2! C: I'm so anxious and excited!

This will get rougher in later chapters, I promise! In the meantime, have some slightly-more-serious-than-I-intended buildup to the smut.

By the time he walked out of the convenience store, clutching his purchases (which now included some chocolate, chewing gum, apple juice, a ladies' gossip magazine, a bag of potatoes, two cans of Pepsi and some watch batteries; all of which had been on sale so clearly had been money well-spent), Haytham was having second thoughts. And third thoughts. And fourth, fifth and sixth thoughts.

Jesus, this was a shitty idea. Charles' creepy tendencies were nothing more than the unfortunate side-effect of being completely fucking mental. Sex wouldn't fix it, what on earth had made him think that? It must have been the caffeine deprivation. Or the nine hours he'd spent in that bloody office, trying to figure out both the identity of The Sellout and a way to get back at Washington. Or the suspicious mushroom noodles William had offered him for lunch.

…Bugger. He should have known those weren't really shiitake mushrooms. Damn William and his illegal lunches!

Haytham sighed. He'd spent almost thirty dollars on lubricant (There were two kinds? Why? He'd bought some of each type to be safe.) and condoms and a half-price cock ring he'd thought for three whole minutes might come in handy. The cashier's face had been a picture. He hadn't been able to look Haytham in the eyes, and had looked terrified when Haytham addressed him by name, Leonardo, apparently forgetting he wore a name badge.

He trudged wearily onwards. Thirty dollars wasted. He'd only end up shoving the damn things into his bedside table until either Connor or Charles started poking around and got the wrong idea, or until he got too depressed about his non-existent sex life and threw them away.

Charles in the kitchen when Haytham entered the apartment.

"Connor's gone to Desmond's house," Charles called, his voice still a little rough. Haytham rounded the corner and sure enough, the man was sitting at the table, nursing some tea. He was wrapped in a fluffy dressing-gown, hair still damp from bathing. He was, at least, freshly shaven and wearing a different pair of pyjamas than he had been that morning.

"Oh?"

"Something about pasta. Or pizza. Italian things, at any rate." Haytham prayed to gods he did not believe in that Charles would stop there. No such luck.

"Delicious Italian things," Charles added, in a manner that could have made "the vicar's coming to tea, grandmother" sound incredibly perverted.

Damn him! Damn him to hell! How the hell had he even made that innuendo? Why the hell had he made that innuendo?!

"Did you get the bananas, like I asked?" Charles said, innocently.

Oh. Oh, that was it.

Fuck everything. His earlier plan was back in action.

Haytham strode to the table, and slammed the bag on the table as best he could. It was, after all, a plastic bag, and thus rather difficult to slam. He took out the bananas, and put them in front of Charles.

"Thank you," Charles said, reaching out to take one. Haytham slapped his hand away. Bastard.

"Not yet," he snapped. He tossed the condoms next to the fruit, and then the lubricants and the cock ring as well and oh shit Charles had that look oh his face, the look that meant he knew what was going to happen and he liked it.

"Oh," Charles began, a wicked grin blossoming across his face. "Well, Hay--"

"This is what's going to happen," Haytham interrupted. "I'm going to fuck you until you literally can't stand, and you are never, ever going to eat a banana in front of me again."

Charles frowned at the last part.

"I don't understand. Why can't I eat bananas in front of you?"

"Just take your trousers off," Haytham said.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" Charles looked slightly worried. Good. He should be.

"I googled it," Haytham replied, crossing his arms.

"I'm not sure this is going to go well," Charles said. "Why don't I do the fucking, and you--"

"I'm not going to offer this twice, Charles."

Charles looked like a deer caught in headlights. On one hand, having sex with Haytham. On the other, quite probably getting fairly severely injured whilst having sex with Haytham.

Charles couldn't discard his dressing-gown fast enough, and Haytham gave him a biting kiss in return. One turned into another and even though Charles mostly tasted of medicine and his facial hair was scratchy against his skin, it felt far too good to do something. He pressed Charles against the table, and Charles obediently clambered up, pushing his pants down. Haytham shucked his coat off, and helped Charles free his legs from the bunched-up fabric. And paused.

Oh god, Charles was half-hard already. What the fuck had he been thinking? This was a terrible idea, an absolutely awful idea, a-- oh shit, he was staring wasn't he? Well, it'd been a long time! It wasn't as though he had much experience with erections that didn't belong to him. Actually, he didn't have any experience with erections that didn't belong to him. It was perfectly understandable if he was a little nerv-- no, no, he was still staring. Fuck.

Charles cleared his throat loudly. Haytham glanced up, to meet his eyes. There was just a tinge of red colouring Charles' cheeks, and he looked… not displeased, but certainly somewhat disappointed.

"Second thoughts?" Charles asked, quietly. Haytham let out a tiny laugh, a horribly manic, tiny laugh. He had no idea what he was doing, and Charles would never let him live it down if he admitted it. Keep calm and carry on.

"Fuck, no!" he managed, sounding utterly unconvincing.

…All right, then, carry on at least.

He tugged the fabric over Charles' ankles and leant in for another kiss, only for Charles to turn his head away and press a hand against his chest.

"What brought this on?" Charles asked, looking serious. "You've never shown any interest in this sort of thing before."

"Does it matter?" Haytham replied.

"Yes," Charles answered, simply.

"Well, I don't think it does," Haytham said. He picked up the water-based lube, and started to unscrew the lid.

"It matters to me," Charles snapped. "And you need to use something silicon-based unless you want to do me permanent damage."

Haytham glared at him. He picked up the other tube of lubricant instead, and started opening that instead.

"Charles, you can interrogate me all you like once we're finished. In the meantime, please shut up before I decide to shove those bananas so far up your arse you'll choke on them."

Charles raised an eyebrow. He was clearly weighing up his options again. To be fucked immediately and possibly not get answers, or to get answers immediately and possibly not be fucked?

He chose the former.

Hey, just thought I'd say that there will be an update soon! This is turning out to be not so much rough sex as... uh... Haytham being a dick and Charles putting up with it (loudly). There's going to be a little less crack than I'd like in the next part, but that's mostly because cracky foreplay and preparation is very nearly impossible to write.

Wow ok this turned out serious. The crack will return full-force next update!

Haytham squeezed the gel onto his index and middle fingers, smearing it as evenly as he could with his thumb. Charles cocked his head to one side, and raised an eyebrow.

"You do know what you're doing with those, don't you?"

"I googled it," Haytham said, carefully not looking at either Charles' face or his cock. It had all seemed so easy when he was flicking through Wikipedia and About.com on his iPhone. He bit his lip.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Haytham!" Charles snapped. "I'm not risking a prolapse just because you're too proud to ask me what to do!"

"…Prolapse?" Haytham asked. He did vaguely remember that it was some sort of medical problem, something like a hernia, wasn't it?

"You said you'd googled this!"

"Briefly, yes!"

Charles gaped at him for a moment, before grabbing his wrist.

"I can't believe this," he said. "Tell me, do you even want to be fucking me?"

"Yes!" Haytham protested. "It's just been a long time!"

"Since you last…?" Charles pressed, then sighed. "You've never done this with a man before. I don't even know why I'm indulging you."

"Because you love me," Haytham said, and gave Charles his most winning smile at the look of mingled horror, embarrassment and utter humiliation that crossed his friend's face. Charles opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, and tried not to blush any harder. Charles adjusted his grip on Haytham's wrist and seemed to be concentrating on not looking Haytham in the eyes.

"Just do as I say, all right?" Charles muttered, shifting his weight. He guided Haytham's hand down, and pressed his middle finger in and if he didn't think too hard about the fact that definitely wasn't a vagina, the heat was actually quite pleasant.

"Er," Haytham began, hesitantly. Charles flexed Haytham's wrist back and forth, almost expertly. "Er, how is it that you know so much about…?"

Charles glanced up at him very quickly, face flushing from either embarrassment or exertion. He glanced away again.

"I mean," Haytham tried again. "I've never seen you, er… I don't recall you ever taking a gentleman back here after drinking or anything."

Charles coughed, delicately. He pulled Haytham's hand away for a moment, before pushing the other lubed finger inside as well. Haytham had thought that, well, that this sort of, er, stretching would be a lot harder, really. Clearly he was wrong.

"It's amazing, the sorts of advances they've made in technology, the past few decades. If you could move your fingers back and forth? Like they're striding along a street?"

"You just told me Google isn't a veritable source of information," Haytham snapped, in indignation. He moved his fingers as Charles requested, regardless.

"I wasn't talking about the internet!" Charles snapped back. He sighed. "You've never rummaged through my sock drawer, have you?"

"Why would I rummage through your sock drawer?" Haytham hissed. "I darn mine!"

"I meant that I have, ah, a small collection of…" Charles hesitated a moment. "Personal relaxation devices. Three fingers, please. And more lubrication."

Haytham stared at him, though he complied with Charles' request. What the fuck did that mean?

"The sort with batteries?" Charles tried again. "Rather… er… elongated in shape?"

"Charles, there is a time and a place for your vague meandering bullshit."

"They vibrate! They're vibrators!" Charles scowled. "Don't look at me like that, you've clearly never had your prostate stimulated."

Oh, dear God, that was more information than Haytham ever wanted. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He could pretend the last two minutes' conversation never happened, and ignore the mental images of Charles doing unspeakable things to a relatively-innocent dildo. He could do that. Charles coughed, and he felt the tremors around his fingers and oh bloody hell no he couldn't ignore the mental images, he was in the middle of preparing to fuck his best friend's brains out an--

Charles pulled Haytham's hand away a second time. The air felt too cold to his fingers now.

"For God's sake, Haytham!" he snapped. "You clearly don't want to do this!"

"No, I do," Haytham protested. "I just-- I've never done this before, and I'm not entirely sure what-- look, just trust me, all right?"

"Fine," Charles said, in a way that indicated it was not fine at all. "Then tell me. Why?"

"Why?"

"You've never shown any interest in me or any other man, for that matter in the two decades I've known you for. And yet suddenly you come home all prepared to fuck my brains out and I'm not supposed to find that even a little bit suspicious?"

"I just felt like a change is all," Haytham muttered. "Look, it really doesn't matter--"

"Yes. It. Does." Charles said, through gritted teeth. "It. Matters. A. Lot."

Charles paused, and squinted at Haytham for a moment.

"You had lunch with William, didn't you?"

"I may have," Haytham admitted. Charles looked visibly deflated.

"Oh, for God's sake," he muttered. "This is rape."

"Excuse me?!" Haytham exclaimed. "I haven't--"

"No, not you," Charles interrupted. "Me. You're high. You're in no position to consent to anything."

"For your information, I only had a few bites of those noodles, and I'm fairly sure whatever effect it had on me is long past," Haytham said, jabbing Charles' shoulder with his un-lubricated hand for emphasis. This was a disaster. All he'd managed to do so far was make himself look a fool.

Charles sighed.

"Fine," he said. "But don't you dare get mad at me tomorrow morning for this. You're practically forcing yourself on me, and I still don't know why."

"All will become clear in time," Haytham said. "Now, are we done with this preparation?"

Charles nodded.

"Excellent."

Oh yessss this anon needs moar!!

hey, just dropping by to say i have not forgotten about this! i just overestimated my capabilities a little and have fallen prey to the horrible muse-killing combination of working extra hours and sleeping badly. there will be a new update shortly!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 5

Haytham/Lee, Eating Bananas

Re: Haytham/Lee, Eating Bananas

Re: Haytham/Lee, Eating Bananas

OP Here!

Re: OP Here!

OP again!

Re: OP again!

Re: OP again!

possible author anon!

Re: OP again!

OP again! x2

Kicking the Habit (1/?)

OP'S MIND = BLOWN

Kicking the Habit (2/?)

Write anon

Kicking The Habit 3/?

Re: Kicking The Habit 3/?

fill anon