Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 6

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Assassin's Creed Kink Meme pt.6
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≈ Comment anonymously with a character/pairing and a kink/prompt.

≈ Comment is filled by another anonymous with fanfiction/art/or any other appropriate medium.

≈ One request per post, but fill the request as much as you want.

≈ The fill/request doesn't necessarily need to be smut.

≈ Don't flame, if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything.

≈ Have a question? Feel free to PM me.

≈ Last, but not least: HAVE FUN!

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Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
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Shipping Can Be Dangerous 8/Never Gonna Let You Down

[(Anonymous)]

"All I'm sayin', gents, is ya' could be a bit more discreet." Hickey mumbled. "Did ya' have to bring so much?"

"I have to have my sketchpad. I need to do the outlines while I can see them." Charles huffed. "Talk to the two jerks who brought a notebook each!"

"We have to be able to take individual notes and compile them. The writing process is delicate! You focus on the illustrations, you certainly brought enough pencils for them." Pitcairn said sharply.

"I concur! You have the gall to talk about our two little notebooks when you've an entire case of just...... pencils?" Johnson asked, quite offended.

"They aren't the same kind of pencils! They make different lines, and of course I need the ones for shading, and..... you try drawing a realistic Native penis with one fucking pencil, how about that? No? Then shut up." Charles growled. "Ow! Hickey, watch it, that's my elbow."

"Not me, Charlie boy." He grunted.

"Sorry." Johnson whispered.

"Who's got their knee in my groin area - OW! Hickey!" Pitcairn yowled.

"Couldn't resist. Serves ya' right for packin' like women without the decency of carryin' a purse. Now shut yer' gobs. Ya' wanna get caught?" Hickey hissed.

"Hm..... come to think of it..... there's a lot of haystacks around." Johnson mused. "I mean, there's no hiding place except for haystacks. Haystacks everywhere. You think maybe....?"

"Wha', that Assassin's just go 'round from haystack to haystack? Idiot. Here we have to make do. But why in God's name would any bloke go fer' a fuckin' haystack when there's..... literally anything else?"

"Yeah, like tall grass."

"Tall grass does fuck all to hide a man, Charlie."

"I'm just saying, maybe we should have the Grandmaster look into it."

"Hey, Haytham ol' pal, we was spyin' on ya' pickin' up yer' son for the fuck-a-thon... real nice show, by the by.... and it occurred to me, in a moment of genius, that maybe Assassin's are particularly drawn to fuckin' haystacks. I mean, there jus' happened to be a lot on the Homestead, real suspicious..... but lucky fer' us at the time. Charlie could never have marked down the birthmark on yer' arsecheek otherwise, cuz' you'd have seen us, and we'd not be able to write our book, cuz' we'd be dead! Oh, wait, oops."

"Point taken..... you're right...... it's a rather silly notion."

"Course I'm right. I'm always right - Look, there they are! Christ, he already can't keep his mitts off the boy."

"He doesn't wait around to start showing dominance, does he? Shame we can't hear them, he's really giving him what for. Oh, but he's definitely the one taking it up the rear, right Johnson?"

"Shut up. I will have my day when we pen the sequel."

~{}~

"Just let me check on him once before we go!" Connor whined, trying to dig his heels in. "No, no, no! I am not being held up by a turkey! Especially that turkey, that turkey is evil!" Haytham growled, dragging him, inch by inch. "He's not evil, he's a precious gift from the spirits and he's adorable and he kicks all kinds of ass and you're just jealous!"

"Jealous!? Of a turkey? You.... ugh, overestimate..... my desire to be in your..... presence.... Jesus, lad, what do you eat!?"

"Did.... did you just call me fat?" Connor blinked, stunned. Haytham used the distraction to jerk him forward a few steps. "Don't despair, you just aren't my type." He said pointedly. "I'm sure there's someone who finds you just lovely."

"......So I'm lovely then?"

"No - I mean, yes, but - I - Well, of course! You're half me, half Ziio, of course you are very good looking. I'd just prefer something with a vagina is all. Now stop being so bloody sensitive and come along!"

"I want to check on Mr. Gobbles! Who, may I add, is going to take your face off and wear it when I tell him you called me fat!"

"If I don't get to see my hat, you don't get to see your turkey! Quit being difficult and mind me! I'm your father! Your faaaaather. And you're not fat, you are just incredibly heavy!"

"You know, I don't have to take this." Connor jerked his arm free. "There are plenty of people who would go camping with me, thank you very much, and would not insult me!"

"In case you haven't noticed, lad, I'm kind of mean sometimes. Maybe you aren't drawn to that type, you ever think of that? If you think really hard, perhaps you don't want someone bossing you around and being cruel to.... Connor Kenway, you stop blushing this instant!" He wailed.

"I am not blushing! You're blushing!"

"Well I am now! I don't know what you're thinking in that head of yours but you have five seconds to.... to stop thinking it!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I don't want someone bossing me around, remember!" He blushed harder.

"Oh, yeah, sure you don't, of course not, what am I thinking - Oh, wait, could it be certain stories from your own mouth!?" Haytham accused.

He's teasing me about my boyfriend. He doesn't approve of him and he's going to nag and scold me mercilessly until I break up with him. He's a homophobe and he can't stand the thought of his son, even one he hates, being in love with a man. Hickey opened his mouth and he knows everything and I'm never getting drunk again and I'm going to crawl into the nearest haystack and curl up and die and Mr. Gobbles will have to lead the Brotherhood because no, I'm done, I quit life, I fucking quit life.

".....so that is what this is about." He groaned, pulling his hood over his face.

"Yes, that's what this is about! We are setting this right, starting now, by camping! Now you get your hide in that forest right now, or so help me, I will beat the fat right off of you!"

"Well - Well at least I'm not fat and old! Like you are! You are both!" He yelled, running towards the forest.

"You get back here and say that to my face, boy!" Haytham snarled, running after him.

"I would, but I don't wanna look at your ugly face! Only a mother could love that face!"

"Your mother loved it just fine! And a lot more besides!" He sneered.

Connor turned on his heels without stopping, and before Haytham could feel properly smug, he was pounced on and strong hands were around his neck.

~{}~

"Jesus, save it fer' the woods." Hickey sighed heavily. "This haystack is killin' me."

"Well, you know how it is with power struggle couples. Fighting always leads to heavy petting, at best." Johnson said, amused. "By the way, Connor is on top."

"Indeed. It's going to be fun, seeing him be put in his place." Pitcairn shot back.

"What are they doing? I can't really see from this far awa - Fuck!"

"What?"

"I dropped my pencil! I need that one!"

"Charlie, don't ya' even think about it. The dicks will look fine!"

"That's my best shading pencil....."

"Have a moment of silence fer' it and quit whinin', ya' great big pussy."

"Hickey? Words can hurt." Charles said quietly.

"Ya' know what would hurt a lot more? If I threw ya' outta this haystack and watched them skin ya' alive before ya' could get a word in."

"........."

"Yeh, thought so."

Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 8/Never Gonna Let You Down

[(Anonymous)]

This is so funny! I can't wait for Mr. Gobbles to escape from Prudence's house and show up to wreak havoc with Haytham.

Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 8/Never Gonna Let You Down

[(Anonymous)]

This entire thing was beautiful.