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asscreedkinkmeme) wrote2013-05-13 07:24 pm
asscreedkinkmeme) wrote2013-05-13 07:24 pm
Entry tags:
Kink Meme - Assassin's Creed pt. 6
Assassin's Creed Kink Meme pt.6
Open
Open
Sky World
≈ Comment anonymously with a character/pairing and a kink/prompt.
≈ Comment is filled by another anonymous with fanfiction/art/or any other appropriate medium.
≈ One request per post, but fill the request as much as you want.
≈ The fill/request doesn't necessarily need to be smut.
≈ Don't flame, if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything.
≈ Have a question? Feel free to PM me.
≈ Last, but not least: HAVE FUN!
List of Kinks
Kink Meme Masterlist
New Kink Meme Masterlist
(Livejorunal) Archive
(Delicious.com) Archive
#2 (Livejournal) Archive
#2 (Delicious.com) Archive
(Dreamwidth) Archive
#3 (Delicious.com) Archive <-- Currently active
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Fills Only
Discussion
"... You think I'm doing WHAT with my son?!?"
(Anonymous) 2015-02-11 08:15 pm (UTC)(link)Haytham Kenway is horrified, because, it's his son.
Connor is plain traumatised at the idea.
Everyone around them still ships them. Even Charles Lee.
(not a HaythCon bash, but frankly I haven't really seen any fics here that don't add a dash of incest to the story...)
Re: "... You think I'm doing WHAT with my son?!?"
(Anonymous) 2015-02-12 06:13 am (UTC)(link)Shipping Can Be Dangerous 1/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-28 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)~{}~
Haytham Kenway was a man of discretion, with a tight hold on his men.
That was why, often, he found himself in a cloak in a tavern nursing one mug of mead, watching his men get properly shitfaced. The best way to control one's men was to know them intimately. And that meant being privy to things they would be reluctant to share with their superior. When they were good and drunk, he'd move to a table a little closer to them, and let his keen hearing go to work for him.
That is what he did this night, unaware of the major chain of events that would occur because of it.
Settling in his seat, he sipped his mead and listened.
"Alrigh' then....... ya hear the rumor yet?" Thomas Hickey asked. William Johnson and John Pitcairn shared a glance. "We've no idea what you....."
Hickey raised a brow and just silently smirked at them.
"Ah, that. Well, yes. Might have heard a little something through the grapevine." Johnson said, blushing.
"Thought so. Ya were blushin' like lil' ladies the moment I said something." He snickered. "So shall we discuss this like men, or do ya have a sewing circle to get to?"
"You are a lewd man." Pitcairn huffed.
"So sorry, Madam. What about you, Johnson, did you remember to bring your balls today?"
"I.... er, see no harm in..... discussion over the implications of..... this development." He said, clearing his throat. "Come now, John, this is rather important, I think. It concerns us all, really, having to do with our..... moral fabric."
"I suppose you're right."
Haytham frowned. Moral....? This sounded very serious.
"So, who do ya think tops? Connor or.....?" Hickey asked, no one taking notice of a cloaked man choking on his mead nearby.
"I would think so. Lets face it, those...... people, they are like wild animals. Very hard to tame." Johnson said matter of factly. "There is no way he's the one being buggered. He would have to be compliant and submissive and I just don't see that happening."
No. No. No. Really? The important matter that affected their moral cloth was his son's sexual preference with men!? Also, his son had a sexual preference with men!?
"Guess I could see that. Boy's very lithe, but quite strong, I think he could wrestle his way upwards." Hickey mused. "Not ta' mention he's got the speed that comes with youth on his side."
Haytham put his face in his hands. This was the most thought Hickey had ever put into anything. How depressing. Now he really did need to drink. That thought in mind, he lifted his head and took a swig of mead.
"I must disagree." Pitcairn said, folding his hands. "I have followed the Grandmaster into battle, and I can assure you, he gives the orders." He paused, waiting until the poor sod coughing up his drink went quiet. When he heard a head hit the table, he continued. "He's not about to let anyone tell him what to do, especially not his son."
"Mm, good point." Hickey grinned. "Tell ya what, winner of the debate gets a drink on me. Go." He rested his chin in his hands, waiting to be entertained. His companions did not disappoint.
"It is said that men in a high position of authority usually do not want to be in charge in the bedroom. Rather, they hand over the control to their partner, in order to get a break from constant responsibility." Johnson said. "While I understand where you're coming from, friend, the fact is nonetheless clear: Connor is the one cracking the whip."
Hickey hooted. "Oi', I bet there's a whip involved, alrigh'!"
"Well, to that statement, I propose the following: Daddy issues." Pitcairn said, folding his hands. "Lets face it, we are looking at a kid who was raised by a woman. He had no firm male hand to guide him, and you know how boys like that act. They find a male who could keep them in line and antagonize them. They rebel all at once in an explosion of angst. If they hit puberty, they tend to romanticize their chosen surrogate, trying to fill the void left by their absent male role models with sex. And Connor was lucky enough to find his own father. He threw tea in the ocean! You know good and well he only did that to anger the Grandmaster. I would bet all my savings he got a sound spanking for that, followed by a good dicking."
"And I ask you sir, how you explain that hickey - "
"Yeh?" Hickey asked, head tilting.
"No no no, not you, friend. The, ah, love bite. Yes, quite. The love bite on his neck. Clearly, he was being forcibly held down and marked."
"Or, Connor was muffling himself in the throes of passion while he was being fucked particularly hard."
Haytham wheezed, not lifting his head. That love bite came from a woman! With the right parts! WHO WAS NOT HIS SON! BY GOD, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THEM!?
"So, Hickey, who wins?" Johnson asked.
"Yes, do tell us." Pitcairn agreed.
"Ya' both had good points...... eh, a drink for ya both. I am gettin' a fine wank tonight, after all. Ya' dirty fucks could write books for very lonely women and very drunk men, such as myself. Fuck, all yer' missing is a title."
"The Hunger of a Savage Beast?" Johnson mused.
"A Taste of Forest Fruits?" Pitcairn hummed.
"I'd read both." Hickey smirked, waving over the barmaid. "Wonder which side ol' Lee is on?"
Charles? Not Charles too..... He would have to speak with him at once....
....tomorrow. For now, he waved the barmaid over, and felt a sick satisfaction when she came to him first and those disgusting bastards had to wait. "Three mugs of this." He said, tapping his mug. "Just line them up right there, thank you."
"Trouble in the bedroom?" She guessed. She was clearly right; the poor bastard put his head in his arms and wailed. "Geez.... I'll give ya' a fourth on me." She patted his shoulder and walked away, feeling sorry for this poor man. Love was a hard thing. But lust was even harder.
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 1/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-28 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 1/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-29 03:18 am (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 1/?
(Anonymous) - 2015-03-29 05:43 (UTC) - ExpandShipping Can Be Dangerous 2/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-29 06:43 am (UTC)(link)As Connor started to enter the tavern, someone in a velvet cloak stumbled out of it, drunk. So very drunk, he ran right into him. "Scuse' meh......" The man muttered, sounding like Hickey, only.... British. It made him wonder what Hickey would sound like sober. Would he even recognize him? Doubtful.
"My pardons." Connor said softly, his face obscured by his own cloak of rough material. "Do you need assistance?"
"Just cuz' I'm assistance don't mean I need drunk. Mind yer' elders." The man scolded, swaying a little. "M' goin' home ta' cry now, and regret life choices that have brought meh to this predicament an' wonder where I went wrong. That okay with you, Mum!?"
"Perfectly. But please allow me to buy you a carriage ride home, alright?" Connor offered, quite worried. This man could not walk home like..... this.
"..........Dat's so nice." The man said, seemingly stunned by this simple courtesy. Out of nowhere, he started to cry. "My life kinda sucks righ' now. Muh friends kinda suck too. Or I thinked they were muh friends..... but dare spreadin' mean rumors about meh...... and dey ain't twoo! Ya gotta believe meh, dey ain't twoo at all!"
"Um......." Connor replied eloquently. After a few moments, he patted the man's head in what he hoped was a comforting manner. "There there? I am sympathizing. You suffer, therefore I feel." He cleared his throat. "When I used to be upset as a child, my mother would give me chocolate. This is what you should do. Go home, acquire chocolate, eat chocolate, sleep. And tomorrow, you will be at your best to sort this out with your friends."
"Ya fink so? Choc-lit will help?"
"I truly believe it's your best chance." Connor said kindly. "Now, lets get you into a carriage......"
He helped the poor man into a carriage, paid the driver, and patted his knee. "There you are. Tell the nice man where you live, and he'll get you home safely. And remember, this will look better when you've had chocolate."
"Th-thank ya..... ma'am....." The man said shakily, nodding his head. Connor opened his mouth to correct him, but decided against it. "Be safe." And he left the poor bloke be.
He had done a good deed..... he just hoped he'd be okay.
Finally, he entered the tavern....
......directly in the sights of a table of Templars with their minds in the gutter.
"Oi', lookie who jus' walked in, then!" Hickey smirked, pointing. Johnson and Pitcairn both discreetly peeked. "Well, speak of the devil....." Johnson chuckled. "Why, we could simply ask him once and for all who... Hickey? Hickey, don't smile like that. I said that in jest. Hickey!"
"Oh, keep yer' knickers on, Johnson.... I got an idea. I'm gonna be all sneaky like." He waved over the barmaid and whispered in her pretty little ear, sliding her some extra coin for the trouble of a wee lil' fib.
As for Connor, he got settled into a booth, and hadn't even the chance to wave for service when the barmaid came over. "Connor, right?" Of course it was, he was a Red Skin. "I'm supposed to give you this drink next time ya come around. It's from General Washington, he's right pleased with your service." She set the mug on the table and walked away.
Connor put his hand on his heart. That's so sweet.... he is such a kind man. He did not worry. General Washington knew better than to give him anything strong. But the taste of this beverage was quite strong, for the weak brew he knew it had to be. Mostly because of heat, however, it was...... hot, somehow, despite being liquid. Like 'hot sauce'. How delightful. Perhaps he would get this from now on. A nice, light mead with a kick to it.
"You gave him Dragon's Tongue." John gasped, eyes wide.
"May the Father of Understanding protect him." Pitcairn said solemnly.
"Come now, nothin' to fear. We're here to look after him." Hickey smirked.
"You're buying him a carriage ride home. The Grandmaster will kill us if we get his lover mugged, raped, or...... dead." Pitcairn snapped.
"He's possessive that way." Johnson agreed.
"Look lads, jus' keep yer' cool...... and big smiles, eh? Our friend is here. Lets go talk to him, have some man time." Hickey stood, rubbing his hands together. He went over to the booth. "Connor, buddy! How the fuck are ya!?" He scooted into the booth, trapping Connor inside. Concerned for Hickey's life, Johnson and Pitcairn bravely scooted into the booth on the other side - "You know I hate sitting at the wall, Johnson!" "Don't be a baby, it's unbecoming! - Pitcairn sulking as he sat by the wall and Johnson's chin lifted in victory.
Connor lit up as his buddies - Now just wait a dingly danged minute..... these are NOT my buddies! He realized, eyes going wide. These are TEMPLARS! I won't stand for this!
He pointed at his empty mug. "That was only one mug a minute ago." He said in a voice that sounded impressively sober, with an expression that clearly was not. "Now it is two mugs. Something nefarious is at work here."
"Ya' don't say?" Hickey hummed. "Well, lets make it four mugs. Even things out." He waved a hand. "So, Connor..... I have some information that may interest you greatly. I happen ta' know what terrifies Charles Lee more than anythin' in the world. Care to trade for it?"
"No! I would never betray my..... Achilles........ for anything. He gives me food." He hiccuped. "It's made with love... and complaints..... mostly complaints."
"Oh no, I would never disrespect ya' in such a manner. See, I ain't offerin' Templar secrets. Jus' somethin' I bet yer' curious about. I'm a curious man too, Connor me boy. Satisfy my curiosity, and I will be glad ta' do the same fer ya', understand? Alliance secrets, off the table." He slid a fresh mug of Dragon's Tongue towards him. He waited until Connor took two swallows before he made his little leap of faith, just to be safe. "I wannna know a bit about ya'..... and yer' lover."
Beneath the table, Johnson and Pitcairn clasped hands, terrified.
Connor merely gasped, however. "How did you know!?" He whined. "We were so careful, discreet, and careful too!"
"True love is easy ta' see." Hickey said, oozing charm. "And if ya' just indulge me with a lil' inconsequential knowledge...."
"Such as?" He asked, blinking slowly. Johnson and Pitcairn squeezed each other's hands in breathless excitement.
"Who tops?"
Even as they held hands, Johnson and Pitcairn shared a competitive gaze.
"Well....... he does." Connor said, blushing.
"YES!" Pitcairn pumped a fist. "I win the day! For I'm a jolly good fellow....!" Hickey chimed in. "Fer' yer' a jolly good fella'......!"
Johnson whimpered, hanging his head. "But I was so sure....." Pitcairn smirked. "But you were wrong. So sing."
"You can't be serious, man!"
"I am dead serious."
Connor watched with mild interest.
"......For you're a jolly good fellow......" Johnson muttered.
"Which Johnson cannot deny!" Hickey and Pitcairn finished up, before exchanging a high five.
"You do not sing well." Connor smiled.
"The Lord said ta' make a joyful noise. Didn't say nothin' bout a pretty one." Hickey said wisely. "So. He calls the shots, eh? Any reason?"
"Well, it's..... not something we planned..... as you well know, he is in a position of power, and he's very good at it. He's grown accustomed to giving orders. And I.... I have gotten quite good at taking them, in my own work, so.... it just sort of happened that way."
"And you never thought to challenge this?" Johnson asked hopefully.
Connor blushed even hard. "As I said.... he's very good at it."
It was Johnson's turn to sulk.
"Does he pull your hair?" Pitcairn pressed. 'A Taste of Forest Fruits' was not going to write itself.
"Well, yes, but.... to be fair, I'm always taking out his little ribbon and messing up his hair..... it takes a lot of work to get it neat like that.... I'm asking for it."
Hickey smirked. "Is he rough?"
"At this point, Hickey..... I'll want your help giving Charles Lee a present."
"Done. Is he?"
"Oh yes, he can be very rough.... downright mean, even. But.... well, we have a safe phrase. 'Novice Turkey.' A phrase I can never utter during our trysts unless my pet, Mr. Gobbles, walks in on us. Which is unlikely. So it's really in good fun."
"How unfortunate fer' Gobbles." Hickey rested his cheek in his palm. "But c'mon, lad, if I'm gonna scare the lights outta my dear friend, ya gotta make with the dirty details!"
Connor looked offended. "Mr. Gobbles, to you, thank you very much."
"Mr. Gobbles. So sorry."
Connor nodded, placated. "What do you wish to know?"
"Does he tie you up?"
"With his hair ribbon if it's just my hands, otherwise.... ropes."
"Whip, whip, oh, tell me there's a whip!"
"There's two."
"Glory hallelujah, I called it!" Hickey cheered.
"Your next question is your last. Think carefully." Connor warned.
Hickey leaned over the table, whispering seriously with his companions. There were so many naughty things they could possibly be privy to. But there was really one question on their minds.
"Why?" Hickey finally asked, sitting back. "Why him?"
Connor looked surprised at the question. "It is simple, really.... I.... I love him. With all my heart, I love him. His mannerisms and habits, they are endearing to me. I melt when he kisses me, when he holds me, even when he teases me. We do not agree on everything, but I admire him; the way he carries himself, the way he leads his men with unflinching certainty on the battlefield and plays cards with them after, the way he puts his heart and soul into his beliefs, trying to fix the world and make it just a little better than it is.... even when it seems to be broken beyond repair. He drives me so crazy, sometimes. But underneath that stoic exterior, he is a good man.... a good man who, out of everyone throwing themselves at him, chose me."
There was silence for a few long moments; then Hickey sniffled. "That's one o' the most beautiful things I ever heard...." Johnson and Pitcairn squeezed hands again, united in this beautiful moment. Laws and society be damned, this really was true love. Against all odds, their beloved Grandmaster had found someone to love and cherish, and he was clearly loved and adored in return, every bit as passionately.
"Don't be a pussy, Hickey." Connor said with a smile. "It's your turn to hold up your end."
"Righto.... ya' brat...." He liked this kid more and more. "What ya' seek, young one, is a millipede."
"Millipede.....?"
"Too many legs."
"Ah..... I am going to leave a sealed package here with the barmaid. It won't be long before you're back. I would like the contents to end up in Lee's bed. While he is sleeping in it."
"Ya' got it. Pleasure doin' business with ya'."
"Likewise. But I really must go."
"Let Hickey buy you a carriage home then. He is a gentleman." Johnson said. "Isn't that so, Hickey?"
"Oh, yes Mum...."
And so they parted ways in good spirits.
Charlie would never forgive me if he found out I'm the one behind his impending nightmare. Hickey thought, as he listened to Johnson and Pitcairn gush and consider different publishers and think up horrible pen names.
General Washington would never forgive me if he found out I shared sexual secrets in exchange for millipedes in a man's bed. Connor thought, resting tiredly against the carriage seat. Well.... not without ensuring I'm bedridden for days.....
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 2/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-29 08:16 am (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 2/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-30 02:48 am (UTC)(link)Shipping Can Be Dangerous 3/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-30 09:25 am (UTC)(link)Charles Lee was a proud man. But the proudest of men break the easiest.
And for a proud man, losing your girlfriend because she discovered your 'vile, disgusting drawings of interracial homosexual smut' was a major bummer.
He didn't understand her fury. When she left the house, with coins in exchange for silence, he had been furious himself. Lots of people draw their muses! What has this world come to!? You can get famous for painting God himself touching the finger of a very naked, muscular man as he's being carried by equally naked, muscular angels.... but I draw a handsome man tying his hair ribbon around his exotic son's penis on a bear skin rug, and suddenly, I'm a pervert. Well that's just FINE!
He glared down at his scattered masterpieces on the floor. "It isn't fair! Why can't you just come out about this so I don't look like such a freak!? It's so obvious! If you'd just make out in the street, I could be openly supportive of your blossoming love without losing my girlfriend! I DON'T HAVE A SON, HAYTHAM, I NEED SEX TOO!"
His thoughts caught up with him, and he went pale. "My god..... I'm an addict. I do need help! Oh.... how am I supposed quit you?" He fell to his knees. "I'm just one man! One weak man, with an eye for beauty that cannot be blinded!" He hung his head.....
.....and caught sight of his Templar ring.
"Oh, right. I'm a Templar; church cures everything."
~{}~
Father Dominic was a righteous man who believed in the common good. He was a man who believed that mankind did not actively seek corruption, but instead could not always fight it back. He was a man who believed the cure for any spiritual ailment was penance, and the most effective prevention was consistent prayer.
He always reminded himself of these things with every soul that stepped into the confession booth.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week sense my last confession." Came the timid voice through the grate.
"I do not recognize your voice, child. Are you sure?" He asked gently.
"I am spiritually held accountable by another, but...... I can't go to him..... not about this."
"Ah... then blessed art thou, child, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. You are welcome here. What sins have you to confess?"
"Just..... just one. I..... I guess it is a sin of lust.... I think. See..... there's these...... two guys, uh, lets call them.... Man and Boy..... and Man, he is very handsome, dashing, strong, and.... bossy. And then Boy, he's very exotic, beautiful, wild, and emotionally damaged....."
"Emotionally.....? Ahem. Homosexual curiosity is a battle every man of God must face at some point, my son, and with proper shame and repentance, it can be defeated...."
"I am not gay! I will have you know I am perfectly happy with breasts and vaginas, thank you very much!" The man sounded very offended. Especially for a man who had said 'breasts' and 'vaginas' in a church.... but as he was new here, he would let it pass.
"Language, please. I apologize, I assumed.... what, then, is the problem? If you are not battling gay demons, what about these men stir lust in you?"
"Well.... it's not like I..... I'm not looking for gay sex or anything. And I'm not interested in them. I just..... I really just like them..... you know, together."
Father Dominic blinked slowly. "Elaborate. I fail to understand."
"It's just that they are so clearly meant for each other, and it's very heartwarming and sweet, and it inspires me to draw naked pictures of them in various sexual acts. You know, for true love."
"......I.....Wha....?"
"I know that sounds bad, but hear me out! They are so clearly making eyes at each other, they just won't admit it because their father and son, so really, I'm just a witness acting on what I see, like any good artist - "
"Hold on. Just a minute. They are.... father and son."
"Yeah...."
"And you draw them.... in sexual acts."
"Y-Yeah...."
"I am....." ....regretfully.... "....obligated to ask you to describe the pictures so I know what penance to give." He braced himself. What would be worse, in this case.... this perversion soiling the missionary style God intended for children to be birthed from, or having to hear about the 'gay positions'?
"Must I?"
"Yes. You must bear your soul for it to be cleansed of the filth of sin."
There was a great sigh, and a shuffling of papers on the other side. "Okay, um.... sex, in various positions.... let me just.... it's so dark in here.... ah, missionary, side missionary, inverse missionary, doggy style, the side doggy, the cliff diver, the backing in, the knee up, the basset hound, the horsey ride, the deep stick, the leg glider, the pirate's bounty, the reverse warrior, the screw, the sixty-nine, the pile driver, the soaring eagle....."
"YOU KNOW WHAT!?" Father Dominic cut in. "You really don't have to name all the positions!"
"Thank God, I thought we'd be here all day....."
"Just.... tell me what situations they are in. That is all. Alright? Just what situations.... is linked to the sin.... in your mind? What are they doing in the pictures that.... causes the.... fornication?"
"Oh, um.... Well, Man is clearly the dominant. So you know, just normal things, I guess. Sometimes he's spanking Boy, sometimes Boy is in a diaper, sometimes Boy is tied up, or on a leash, sometimes they are eating food...."
"OKAY! I.... I don't know what to say. How do you pervert the act of EATING!? HOW!? And why, why, WHY, would you draw someone in a diaper!?"
"I told you. True love."
True love.
Before his eyes, Father Dominic saw everything that led to this moment. When he was only five and declared to his mother that he wanted to be a Priest like Daddy. When he was seven and began serving as an altar boy. When he was twelve and went away to boarding school for his proper Catholic education. When he was ordained at long last at the young age of twenty one.
He would cut out an eye of the Lord's choice, if only He would take him back to the day he was five and, in His wisdom, inspire his mother to slap the daylights out of him and scold him, telling him he would not be a Priest, but a baker. To spend his days making bread.... how beautiful it seemed now, and how far away.
"Alright..... this is what I want you to do, son. I want you to burn those pictures. I want you to contact the exorcist that lives just out of town. While you wait for him, recite the Act of Contrition.... do you know it?"
"No."
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of Heaven and fear the pains of Hell. But most of all because I have offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen." He recited. "You get all that? Say that over and over until you pass out. When you wake up, fifty more times should do it. You should fast until your exorcism, and when the demon has been banished from you, you should take communion immediately. And never.... in your life.... touch a drawing utensil.... ever again. Go forth and sin no more." With that, he curled up in a tight ball and listened to the man leave. He was in the dark a long, long time.
~{}~
Brother Gabriel was shocked to find his mentor swaying by the podium, empty wine bottle in hand. To gulp down the sacred Communion wine? Father Dominic.... had a drinking problem.
"Father, I am surprised at you!" His heart hammered in his chest, but he had to speak up, it was his duty. "Ephesians 5:18 states, And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit. you know better than this..... please, turn to God, repent, and change your ways!"
Father Dominic stared at him a long time. "......Congratulations. You passed the test."
"I.... I did?"
"Yes. I had to see if.... if you would stand up.... even to me, before.... I promoted you!" He smiled widely.
Gabriel sighed in relief. What was I thinking? Of course Father Dominic wouldn't drink, that's an old bottle..... oh, he got me.... but Lord be praised for helping me to do the right thing! "Do you mean it, Father?"
"Oh yes.... you, you lucky lad, get to man the confession booth from now on!"
~{}~
Charles stared into the fire, holding his folders filled with his hard work. His beautiful work..... "Well, this is it. No more of this unhealthy obsession. No more thoughts wandering to the sexual acts of other men when I have important things to do. No more spending hours getting filthy drawings right when I could really be making something of myself as an artist. No more.... No more. I will find happiness without this. I don't need this. I'll have art I can show off to collages without shame, I'll have a beautiful girlfriend who thinks the world of me, I'll have my self respect at last! After today.... I'm free."
A banging on his door startled him. "Oi', Charlie boy, ya' gotta let us in!" Hickey was yelling. Charles hurried to the front door, not even thinking to leave the folders behind. He threw open the door to find Hickey, Johnson, and Pitcairn standing there in a row, out of breath. "What!? What's the matter, what's going on!?"
"We wuz' just at the tavern, and the Assassin wuz' there - " Hickey started.
"Oh God, what did he - "
"Hickey got him drunk with two mugs of Dragon's Tongue - " Johnson butted in.
"What, why would - "
"He confirmed it!" Pitcairn said breathlessly.
"He.... he what?"
"Aye', confirmed it from his own mouth.... an' we got details, Charlie!"
"How.....?" He asked, shocked.
"Er.... I got my ways."
He stared for a few moments. "Come in. Tell me everything."
~{}~
He hung onto every word, sitting at his table with his comrades, not even bothering to make tea.
"I knew it!" He cheered when they had finished the retelling. "I knew Haytham was the the top, I knew it!" His heart absolutely fluttered when Pitcairn gave him a high five. Him! He never got high fives from the other lads!
"Quit rubbin' it in!" Johnson grumbled, but even he couldn't stop smiling.
"Hey now, what have we....." Hickey spotted the folders and grabbed the top one.
"Oh no, Hickey, don't, that's just my personal - " Oh, he wanted to slap himself at once. Of course Hickey opened it at that word.
"....Charlie boy.... I didn't know ya' wuz' so.... so...."
Charles hid his face in his hands.
"....bloody talented! Boys, lookie here!"
Charles stared as Johnson and Pitcairn peered over Hickey's shoulder.
"Very nice, Charles!" Pitcairn exclaimed. "I love your symbolism with the hair ribbon. The symbol of Haytham's self control removed from it's proper place, his loose hair hinting at his uncontrollable urges, giving an exterior visual of the way he's unraveled inside.... and yet, with the ribbon tied around Connor's member, you suggest that he has control over his son regardless. Just beautiful!"
"And the bear rug is genius!" Johnson gushed. "Symbolic of Connor's wild and feral nature, tamed but nonetheless still present underneath the surface..... Don't think that slipped past my notice!"
"Ya draw dicks pretty well, Charlie." Hickey snickered. "Good job."
"Th-Thank you....." He blushed furiously. There was some whispering that he was not privy to, but then they smiled at him.
"Hey Charles..... Charlie...... we're writing a book together. You wanna help us out?" Pitcairn offered.
Charles Lee did not need redemption. He did not need forgiveness. His obsession had granted him what he had always wanted: to be included.
And never again would he forsake it.
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 3/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-30 09:52 am (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 3/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-31 12:29 am (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 3/?
(Anonymous) 2015-03-31 02:40 pm (UTC)(link)Shipping Can Be Dangerous 4/?
(Anonymous) 2015-04-04 01:42 am (UTC)(link)"Why did I even listen to her? All women think problems are solved with chocolate...." He whined. "Now I'm bloated and supposedly fucking my son. Oh God, I'm supposedly fucking my son!" He shifted through the wrappers but there was no more chocolate to be found. "Why do you forsake me, Lord!? Have I not been a faithful instrument of your will!? If You couldn't strike whoever started this rumor with lightning, why couldn't You ask Jesus to multiply my chocolates, huh!? I know he can do it, we all know about the bread!" He flopped back down and covered his eyes. "Fuck my life........"
How was he ever going to look Charles in the eye when he had to question him about this!? Well.... none the less, he needed to get himself presentable and get going before he lost his nerve. He bet the traitorous bastard was having a glorious morning.
~{}~
Charles screamed bloody murder as he woke up in a bed of millipedes. "NO NO I DON'T WANNA DIE GET THEM OFF OF ME OH GOD SO MANY LEGS SO MANY FUCKING LEGS!" He hit the floor and rolled around, trying to squish them. "HELP ME FOR FUCKS SAKE SOMEONE HELP ME!"
Hickey kicked his bedroom door open and heroically declared, "I'll save ya'!" Before promptly running over and kicking Charles furiously. "Die, ya' wicked creepy crawlies, die!"
~{}~
"So how long was he waiting outside his door?" Pitcairn asked, fluffing his pillow.
"About an hour. Why do you get the couch after Hickey went up to torment him with bugs?" Johnson sulked.
"Hickey got it first because he got the details, I get it next because you were stupid enough to think Haytham would ever let someone top him."
"Come on! There has to be others who prefer a dominant Connor......"
"Yeah, like, two." Pitcairn snorted. "You weird blokes."
"Well, they're switching places in the sequel!"
"Like fuck they are! This isn't fiction anymore! Do you want to compromise our writing integrity?"
"Kinda......"
"Of course you don't, my good man."
"OW, OW, OW, OW, KILL THEM OH GOD KILL THEM!" Charles wailed from upstairs.
"QUIT SQUIRMIN', YOU'RE FUCKIN' UP MY AIM!" Was the shouted reply from Hickey.
"How many millipedes did Connor get?" Johnson blinked.
"The package was completely full."
"Now, that's commitment."
A few minutes later, Hickey came downstairs, whistling. "Charlie is lockin' his bedsheets in a chest to burn, he'll be down in a wee bit, and we can continue the book."
Pitcairn and Johnson immediately started cleaning up the area they slept in. Johnson yawned. "I don't know how I'll keep my eyes open while we work... why'd you have to get a pillow fight going, Hickey? That was ridiculous."
"Takes two to tango. If ya' wanted to sleep before five in the mornin', ya' could have." He smirked, going to glance out the window.
"I tried! You kept hitting me! And you could help us, you know!"
"Oh, don't be such a....." Hickey froze. "Guys? Haytham Kenway is stormin' towards this here house, and he looks right pissed! We gotta bail!"
"What about Charles - " Johnson started.
"Forget him, man, he's already dead!" Hickey ran to look for a back door. There was none.
"He's right upstairs, I think we have time - "
"He is lost to us, and we have to think about ourselves now!" Pitcairn said firmly, opening a window. "Make haste!"
"We're awful people." Johnson sighed, following them out the window.
~{}~
"Guys..... this isn't funny, where are you hiding?" Haytham heard through the door as he picked the front lock. "Guys? I'm traumatized, guys, don't play tricks on....." The door swung open.
".....me." Charles squeaked, as Haytham walked slowly across the threshold.
"So. My old friend.... I heard a little something was going through the grapevine. Something concerning my son and I. And I hear you've been spreading it around right along with the others, you traitorous little gossip. So tell me, have you anything to say in your defense?"
"You.... You have some chocolate on.... the side of your mouth, Grandmaster." Charles gulped.
Haytham took out a handkerchief and dabbed it away. "Thank you."
And then he tackled Charles to the floor. "Give me answers! Why does everyone think I am boning my son!?" He growled, a hand around his throat.
"Don't kill me, sir! I don't judge you! None of us judge you!" He choked, feet kicking.
"Who said it!? Who said it!? Answer me, Charles Lee, or I swear by all that is holy....!"
"C-C-C-Connor......"
Haytham's eyes widened, and he removed his hand. "Connor? Connor said this?"
"He was very descriptive." Charles coughed.
"Oh..... Oh my god. I..... I'm a horrible father!" He wailed. "I didn't give him enough attention and now he's fantasizing about getting the only attention he knows from me!"
"Didn't you try to..... attentively kill him?"
"Well, yes, but I didn't realize I was neglecting him so horribly!" Haytham sat atop Charles' stomach. "I didn't grow up telling people my father put his dick in me, and you know why?"
"Because he wasn't....?"
"Because he was there! I knew he loved me, in his way, I didn't need to imagine we were fucking to be fulfilled by my father figure! This would have never happened if I had taken Connor to see The Importance of Being Earnest at the theatre!"
"I don't think he can laugh....... can he?"
"It claims to be 'A Trivial Comedy for Serious People', Charles."
"Well, you know your lover best."
Haytham wailed miserably. "I hate you, Charles...."
Now, it was painfully clear to Charles that Haytham was just in denial about the whole thing.... probably because of the incest and the fact that he was an authority of God's will on earth, and it just looked bad. So he wanted to reassure him that they thought no less of him, but his stomach was going to be crushed at this rate. "Grandmaster, sir? You are a tad heavy, and my stomach is cramping...."
"Camping? Camping, that's it! I'll take the boy camping, as my father took me! Better late than never! Yes, we'll have some quality bonding time, he'll feel appreciated by me, and once we're close, he'll tell everyone we're not fucking! Oh, you brilliant bastard! I... I need to get to the homestead! Thanks a bunch, Charles!"
"Anytime, sir." Perhaps escaping their secret coming out and having time to cope with it by themselves would indeed do them some good.
"Remind me to beat you to a pulp later." He finally got off of him and ran out the door.
"......Can't believe those bastards left me to die. See if I hang out with them anymore." He grumbled. But he said this only for the illusion of having standards. They were his only friends, and besides, he had drawn a lot of dirty pictures to get into the 'cool crowd'. He wasn't about to fuck that up over being left to his doom.
But, if he were to inform them about this romantic getaway....
He pictured the three of them carrying him around on their shoulders, cheering. He pictured swimming in money when their book was published. He picture Haytham and Connor making s'mores...
Oh, man, melted marshmallows..... that was just sex waiting to happen. He had better pack his drawing supplies as well. Just in case.
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 4/?
(Anonymous) 2015-04-04 03:05 am (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 4/?
(Anonymous) 2015-04-06 04:28 am (UTC)(link)Shipping Can Be Dangerous 5/Getting Out Of Hand
(Anonymous) 2015-04-12 01:28 am (UTC)(link)"Yes, about two days. Maybe." He moved his own chess piece.
"But if you are gone an extra day....... or days...... I should not send help." Achilles clicked his tongue as he made his move.
"No, that is not truly necessary. The recruits will help you in my possible absence. And I'll soon come back in...... decent shape." Connor studied the board.
"I shouldn't send anyone to see if you're tied up somewhere?" Achilles raised a brow.
"No, you especially should not do that. King me!" Connor beamed.
"Wrong game, boy, and you're changing the subject. What did you do?" He questioned sternly.
"What I had to. For the cause." Connor replied seriously.
"Which cause?"
"Fuck Charles Lee. Are you going to king me or not?"
".......Maybe we'll come back to this. Lets play Poker. I think you're starting to understand Poker." The doorbell got his attention. "Ah, see, you can get that and I'll set up the cards. It's probably my package."
"Okay! But don't think I don't know that you're changing the game because I was going to win. I'm only allowing it because you are old." Connor said affectionately. Achilles sighed loudly. "Just...... just get the door, Connor."
Connor went down the hall, humming and in good spirits. He opened the door expecting, well, a courier. What he got was Haytham Kenway, wrinkling his nose at the turned over welcome mat. Achilles did not like visitors in general.
"Ah! What the fuck are you doing here!?" He demanded.
"Well, that's a fine way to greet your father!" Haytham looked quite offended. "Didn't Davenport teach you any manners at all?"
"Hello, what the fuck are you doing here!?" He amended.
".....No. No, see, what I was looking for was a, 'Hello father! How are you?' Something like that." Haytham explained in his 'I am educating you pay attention Connor listen to me I am your father' voice.
"But if I ask you how you are, you might answer, and I don't actually care." Connor explained.
"You are a brat."
"I prefer to think of myself as straight forward."
"Well, think of yourself however you like. You're still a brat."
"And you still haven't told me what the fuck you're doing here."
"Language!" Haytham snapped.
"I'm already speaking English." Connor blinked.
Haytham looked positively pained. "Alright...... alright, that's my fault. I was not around to shove soap into your mouth. But I want to make up for that."
"Um..... I would ask if you hit your head on something....."
".....but you don't actually care."
"You got it!" Connor said, smiling. "Wow, and here I thought you didn't pay attention to me."
Haytham actually winced. "Well, Connor...... son...... perhaps I did not. As much as I should have, I mean. So I'm here to.... well, to attempt a relationship..... a platonic relationship, mind you!" He stammered.
"What's platonic?"
"Ah.... um.... it means, I don't..... um..... want to....." He poked his index fingers together.
Connor stared. "Okay, um, remember when I said I didn't care? I still don't. But I'm starting to think I should get a doctor anyway, just out of decency."
Haytham sucked in a breath. "Look, Connor..... Ziio would not want us to fight." Or to fuck. He wants to add, but it seems too early to approach that subject fully. "She would want us to, at least, have some kind of, well, bond."
"When we're not trying to kill each other?"
"Precisely!"
"Ah....."
"Which is why I thought to take you camping!" Haytham clapped his hands together and brightly smiled. Connor did not jump up and down in excitement. "Camping!" He said again, sense clearly he had missed it. No excited hopping. His smile faltered. "You know what camping is, right?"
"I lived in a forest. I camped for the first chunk of my life! Yes, I know what camping is!" Connor stared. "But why the fuck do you want to go camping with me!?"
"Because........ for Ziio, son. For Ziio. Don't we owe it to her to at least try?" Connor softened a little, and Haytham pressed his advantage. "I know we have different beliefs and factions, but we could have good times together, too. Can't you imagine it? Decorating a tree at Christmas..... coloring eggs at Easter......."
Connor did try to make an effort, searching his mind for a pale face holiday. "Valentine's Day? With the paper heart things? And chocolate? I like chocolate."
"........" Haytham went even paler than usual and had a small coughing fit. Dear God he just dropped me a hint that subtle little bastard! No no, I'm responding with love and understanding here. Don't punch his precious little face.
"Maybe not Valentine's Day, but you know what I will do?" He managed after a full half minute of coughing, to Connor's reluctant worry. "I'll make us a nice, big feast, just for the two of us, every Thanksgiving!"
"Thanksgiving!?" Connor's eyes flashed.
"........Oh. Connor, I did not mean it like that - "
"What did you mean it like!?" He snarled.
"I'm just trying to form a truce, I wasn't thinking..... don't you like food!?" He held up his hands in a gesture of peace.
Connor stared at him, but then a small smirk graced his features. And he whistled. For a second Haytham's gut twisted. Was he calling his Novices!?
He heard a menacing clucking behind him and didn't know what to think when he turned around and a turkey in a little homemade hood stood there. "This is Mr. Gobbles." Connor said pleasantly. "He will be escorting you off the property."
"This turkey? This here turkey!? It's a turkey!" Haytham laughed, doubling over. But he felt like a bastard when he lifted his head and Connor seems as though he will cry. "Connor..... son, I.... I didn't mean......."
"Mr. Gobbles? The mean Templar made Mama sad." Connor sniffled, before making a dramatic sobbing sound. "The mean Templar said Thanksgiving."
And Haytham's whole world became a mess of feathers and claws. He screamed bloody murder, running blindly in a direction that was hopefully not towards the cliff. Hopefully.
Connor smiled as Haytham was 'escorted' off the cliff and into the waters below.
Mr. Gobbles proudly strutted to Connor's feet. "Aw, who's my favorite little Novice in the whole wide world? Who does Mama love so much?" Connor cooed, plucking his turkey up. "You get to come inside and watch me beat Achilles at Poker, yes you do, and have some bread as a snack! Om nom nom!" He carried him inside, fetched a piece of bread from the loaf, and returned to the sitting room.
"Well it's about time - Oh, it was the damn turkey again? Why did you have to teach him how to use the doorbell!? Drives me mad." Achilles groaned. "You better not have been petting him all this time."
"Don't be silly. We ran through a home defense drill." Connor huffed. "And I will have you know he performed amazingly."
"Oh, I'm sure he did! He'll be such a fine asset to the Brotherhood when he graduates!" Achilles snorted.
"I told you he would come around, Mr. Gobbles." Connor crooned. Achilles sighed, and simply gestured to the game. "I shuffled and dealt the hands. You know me well enough to know I didn't cheat. Shall we just have a nice game.... for the amusement of the fucking turkey you've brought into my house!?"
"That sounds lovely, yes." He sat down and picked up his hand. He studied it for one minute. Then two.
"Well.....?" Achilles drawled. "I am not getting any younger. An Assassin needs to make quick decisions, lets have it."
Connor nodded thoughtfully. "Very well.... Got any Aces?"
Achilles opened his mouth, but then just shook his head and sighed. "Go Fish." He said, rubbing his temples. Connor drew a card from the deck, eyes narrowed in concentration. The turkey clucked some kind of encouragement and tore a bite from his bread, getting crumbs all over the floor. What is my life? Achilles wondered.
But truth be told, he would not trade this for anything.
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 5/Getting Out Of Hand
(Anonymous) 2015-04-12 03:40 am (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 5/Getting Out Of Hand
(Anonymous) 2015-04-13 07:55 am (UTC)(link)May include cracktastic genius writing,
Consume beverages at your own risk.
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 5/Getting Out Of Hand
(Anonymous) 2015-04-16 03:37 am (UTC)(link)Shipping Can Be Dangerous 6/Let The Roasting Of My OTP Resume
(Anonymous) 2015-05-18 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)"That's right, you just poke a needle here in his crotch and give his schmeckle an owie." Mama replied, jabbing the voodoo doll savagely with a needle. "An old friend taught me this trick."
"Are you even listening to me, Mama? I am very concerned about your mental health!"
"Yes, he does deserve it, doesn't he?"
"Mama...... breaking into someone's house to steal a single hat is not normal. That was the home of a Templar! You could have taken anything! Why the hat, Mama? This gains nothing for our cause, I don't even think it has helped you to cope with your issues regarding this man. Does the hat give you closure?"
"Go ahead, try to have intercourse now, you genocide loving fucking bastard! Happy Thanksgiving!" Mama cackled.
"Mama....... just...... just tell me straight. I promise I won't judge you. It's just.... stealing his hat.... fashioning a little doll that looks like him....... and then poking it's genital area to prevent him mating with anyone else.... Mama, do you have feelings for this man? Because you can do so much better! You're a strong, independent man! What about that Washington fellow? I think he might like you! He begins to strut and show himself off whenever you are near! I would not mind him for a stepfather! But not Hat Man."
"Okay, okay. Someone must be very hungry. Who wants some bread, hm?" Mama abandoned the doll and scooped him up.
"Why do you always do this!? I'm being serious! He's your father, Mama! Your father! That's weird as fuck! Please don't mate with him, please can we just burn the hat?"
"Calm down...... you ate an hour ago..... you're getting to be a big boy, yes you are." Mama cooed as they went downstairs.
"Achilles! Talk some sense into him! We need to hold an intervention! An intervention, I say, before this gets out of hand!"
"WILL YOU SHUT THAT TURKEY UP!? I'M TRYING TO READ!"
Why does no one ever listen to me? I'm being very serious. I might as well just shot gibberish at them, for all the times they have heeded my words. Mr. Gobbles thought sulkily. Oh, it's my favorite bread! Gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie!
"That's a good wittle Novice. Eat your noms so your grow big and strong and able to kill many Templars. Who's a pretty turkey, you are! Yes you are! You finish that up, and we'll go aside for some training drills."
Well, maybe Mama would be more receptive to talk about Hat Man if he had some fresh air.
And so it was. They went outside and he performed a few drills for Mama and readied himself to try and delicately approach the subject once more. But then who should appear but Hat Man himself?
And he was strutting. Oh dear.
~{}~
"Taking my hat was wholly unnecessary!" Haytham snapped, walking right up to Mama as though he were the cock of the walk. "I know it was you, give it back!"
"I don't know what you mean." Connor snorted.
"Don't you play dumb. Your fascination with me has crossed a line! Return it at once, or you will find yourself across my knee for a well deserved thrashing! I don't care how big you are, no one, and I mean no one, touches my hat!" Haytham jabbed a finger to Connor's chest. For some reason, he did not pull away from it in fear as he should have.
"My pain tolerance is incredibly high. Not to mention your elderly arm would give out long before I did so much as whimper." Connor smirked. "So go on and try. You aren't getting the hat back. It is my hostage now."
Haytham's jaw dropped. Oh. Oh. Oh! It was not just fascination, or even obsession, but also a challenge! His son..... was kind of a kinky bastard.
Connor smirked wider. Ha. His father clearly did not expect that, now did he? He probably felt the years weight on him now. Good. He would not back down. He had a boyfriend who was far worse than Haytham could ever be.
Haytham took a breath. "I had gotten you a present, you know. A peace offering." He said, trying a new approach.
"I am not inter - "
"It was your mother's."
Connor stared, clearly caught off guard.
"If you will go camping with me, Connor, you can have it."
"And how do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?"
"Because....... because Achilles can have my hat as leverage until then. And if you do not return, he can burn it. Connor, son...." He took his hands in his and leaned in. "I love that hat more than anything in the world. It means everything to me. That hat and I, we've been through so much. I could not live without it in my life. For these reasons, I will not hurt you. You can trust in my love...... for my hat."
"It's just a fucking hat."
"Don't talk about her that way! Is this agreeable?"
Connor sighed, jerking his hands free. "Very well. But your hat will be guarded and kept under watch. None of your lackeys will be able to rescue it."
"Understood........ t-take good care of it. Put it in a nice hat box but let it breathe." He sniffled, stepping back. "I will pick you up tomorrow morning. Please be ready." With that, he turned and left, as dignified as could be without his precious hat.
".......You strange motherfucker." Connor muttered.
~{}~
Mr. Gobbles wanted to leap for joy when he saw Mama shove Hat Man's hands away. Oh, he had seen the light! Everything was going to be okay! He clucked mockingly when Hat Man retreated, looking sullen.
He ran over and hopped at his mother's feet. "Oh Mama, I'm so proud of you for being so strong! That must have been very hard! But now I can set you up with a proper man. Washington has put his tongue in your mouth on occasion, he definitely has a crush on you. Now, you don't want to crouch as soon as he struts at you, that's too desperate. You need to play it cool. Hard to get and classy. But you don't want to wait too long or he won't even realize you're in heat. Mating season doesn't last forever, you know...."
"It's okay, Mr. Gobbles, don't worry. I'm fine." Mama said, shaking his head. "We're just going camping together."
Mr. Gobbles froze. "No..... Mama, don't do this! Don't go off to mate with him! You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement!"
"I should go get ready, I guess, and inform Achilles of...... of his hat guarding duties. What am I even going to tell him....?"
"Mama, no! If you have to throw yourself at someone, pick Washington! Washington! I don't like the Hat Man! Mama, what about Thanksgiving!? He celebrates it! Noooo!" He wailed, wings flailing in distress.
"I think I need to switch your brand of feed." Mama said, as oblivious as ever. "Preferably before I ask Prudence to look after you." He headed for the house.
Oh no. No. Prudence would not be watching this turkey. For he was an Assassin with a mission.
Fuck up Hat Man's attempts to mate with his Mama. Whatever the cost.
Your schmeckle is about to know what an 'owie' really is, you Templar bastard. I will not rest until your nefarious seduction has been thwarted. Sleep with one eye open on your little trip. You have invited the unholy wrath of Mr. Gobbles!
Hell hath no fury like a turkey pissed.
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 6/Let The Roasting Of My OTP Resume
(Anonymous) 2015-05-20 09:55 am (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 6/Let The Roasting Of My OTP Resume
(Anonymous) - 2015-05-20 15:28 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 6/Let The Roasting Of My OTP Resume
(Anonymous) 2018-11-09 01:17 pm (UTC)(link)Shipping Can Be Dangerous 7/Never Gonna Give You Up
(Anonymous) 2015-05-27 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)"It'll do you some good too. Keep you busy. Take your mind off of primrose."
"You hush up about that now. Besides, how hard can it be to care for a little turkey, huh? Farmers have many of them at a time. This one is just more domesticated, maybe needs some petting now and then and a special food. A blanket at night, you know. Simple as that."
"Do you wonder about the secret mission Connor is going on tomorrow?"
"Not really, no."
"I didn't either, until Achilles told me that the ransom the novices are guarding is a hat."
"How very odd. Do you think it is a hat of great power? Like a crown?"
"He only said it was the most ridiculous hat he'd ever seen in his life. But it must be important......... symbolic or something....."
A knock on the door interrupted their pondering. "Ah, that'll be Connor!" Prudence said, hurrying to the door.
Indeed, there stood Connor, his turkey in his arms and a large, heavy look backpack slung over his shoulder. "Hello Prudence." He smiled kindly. "Thank you so much for taking Mr. Gobbles in on such short notice. I really cannot express my gratitude. Say hello to Aunt Prudence." He encouraged, lightly bouncing the turkey in his arms.
Mr. Gobbles clucked.
Prudence smiled in amusement. "Hello there, Mr. Gobbles. Welcome to our home." She stepped to the side, allowing them in. "It's really no trouble, Connor, especially after all you've done for us. I understand Achilles would have trouble caring for a pet with his leg......"
"Do not call him a pet!" Connor exclaimed, eyes wide. "He is not a dog! He is my baby and he is precious to this world!"
"Ah, my mistake. A slip of the tongue." She amended. Well, Connor was not the first she had heard talk this way, especially sense poodles became popular. He was, however, the first man she had heard talk this way, but the conviction with which he said it was kind of endearing.
"Alright then." He nodded slowly. "Anyway, I am sure Achilles could manage to feed him and whatnot. He does well with his leg. But he is not really equipped to provide Mr. Gobbles with the emotional care and mental stimulation a growing turkey needs. He is the elderly jaded grandfather that you only let your child interact with under supervision, lest they inadvertently traumatize them during a fit of crankiness."
"......Is that so?" Warren blinked slowly.
"Yes, yes it is."
"Well, I can see you're all packed and heading off!" Prudence said brightly. "I've no doubt you have everything you need, that is the largest backpack I've ever seen!"
"What.....? Oh, no no no! I don't need all this just for camping, silly." Connor laughed, greatly amused. "Mother Nature provides most everything I will have need of during this.... mission. No, no, these are the bare essentials for my little man right here." He set Mr. Gobbles on the floor and placed the backpack on the table. "Why don't you run along and find some nice hiding spots from which to murder intruders?" Connor nudged the turkey with his foot. "That's the first thing any novice should do in a new place. Go on, then."
Both Prudence and Warren were still silent and stunned as the turkey walked away.
"Now then, I have his feed already measured out into little baggies for you so you do not overfeed him or starve him to death. But you will notice bags of bread crumbs, which are to give to him as a snack. I broke them up myself so there is no chance of him choking, but do not give him too much at once because he will try to eat it all at once and it will make his tummy upset."
"Seems reasonable....." Prudence nodded.
"That covers food, onto clothing. He mostly likes to run out naked in the sunshine, but there is not always sunshine, as you well know. Now, he can slide on his hood by himself for drills and unexpected killing, but he's going to need help with his bonnet if it gets chilly at night, which I have here. Now you want to tie it firmly but not too tight, and don't double knot it, that irritates his neck. If he thrashes his head you did it wrong and should try again immediately. These are his scarves, hats and cloaks, in case you want to take him for a stroll on a cold day. I already put them together in matching outfits for you. Don't mix and match. He is not some ruffian and I don't want the animals in the streets poking fun at him or whispering about him. Now do you have any questions?"
"Isn't it summer?" Prudence asked, eyes wide and head tilted.
"You can knit?" Warren's eyebrows furrowed.
"The answer to both of those questions is yes. Now these are very important." He held out a pair of oversized booties, carefully knitted for turkey feet rather than infant feet. "These are his Cuddle Booties. As you may have guessed, his feet are very sharp, so you will want to put these on him before cuddling him in your lap. He is very agreeable about it, so take your time. Don't just shove his feet in. That'll make his little toes all smooshed in and uncomfortable and he will be very cranky. Try to have him on your lap for at least half an hour a day. He needs his lap time for petting, cooing, positive affirmations, and rest."
"Cuddle Booties?" Warren looked at his wife, who held her hands out and shook her head.
"Now this is his brush, to smooth out his feathers, which you should do slowly so you don't pluck any out." Connor continued. He had not even made real headway into the backpack. God help them.
~{}~
Mr. Gobbles was not looking for hiding spots as Mama had told him to. Spirits forgive him, but he was looking for his exit. Never had he disobeyed Mama before..... but this was for his own good. Hat Man was not good for Mama. He couldn't care for him like he needed, pamper him like he deserved! And at least Washington's hat was tasteful. It was the sort of hat you could be next to in public, thank you very much. Hat Man's namesake was a nightmare. A huge, bulky nightmare. He'd even say it was a huge, bulky nightmare that was probably compensating for something less than adequate, if he were one for petty gossip.
Which he most certainly was.
He found his exit in the form of a propped open window. It would probably be closed when night fell, so he needed to time this carefully. Too early, and Mama would be alerted to his stealthy escape. Too late, and Mama would be announcing they had converted to the Templar cause come Sunday and be sitting on a nest of little Kenway eggs come spring.
He shuddered at the thought.
~{}~
"......and this is his ball, he likes to nudge it around with his beak quietly sometimes, but is always up for a nice game of fetch. And this here is his last toy as well as his newest. Mr. Templar!" He held up a voodoo doll. "It is a chew toy. He likes to peck it, shake it around, and stamp it. Do not worry about this toy being damaged..... I could always make another......" He smirked. He was just way to happy about the pain that particular toy went through.
"Prudence? I'm scared." Warren whispered, holding onto her.
"And if you find it hidden in odd places, never you mind. He actually stole it from me, the little rascal, so he hides it from me. He doesn't know I know and I am content to keep it that way. He's getting a lot better at concealment, and that's so important for an Assassin to practice. Especially if he does not have thumbs."
"Me too." She whispered back, pressing against his side.
"As you can see, I have all his nighty night essentials. Here are his favorite storybooks.... this here is his pillow, just some extra cushion for his bum bum, it can go anywhere on the bed......"
"We are not having a turkey in our bed." Warren hissed to his wife.
"We'll have to make the fireplace seem very appealing, then. Or it might tell on us." Prudence replied softly.
"Can it do that?" He gulped. (As though Connor ever listened to Mr. Gobbles.)
"I don't want to find out what an Assassin turkey can do if we anger it." She squeezed his hands.
"......and this is his blankey! Now tell me, have you ever tucked in a turkey? You have to wrap it around his body but leave the head uncovered, and if you need to practice...."
"Not necessary. I've tucked in many...... birds....." Prudence said through a stiff smile.
"Fantastic. Then there's just one more thing you need to know, and this is the most important. Never..... ever...... should you say the word Thanksgiving in his presence." He said seriously, meeting their gaze. "He lost his entire family at the hands of Templars in a Thanksgiving massacre. It haunts him to this day, driving him to vengeance, tearing at his little turkey soul unrelentingly and pushing him to action for our cause! For all people and turkeys everywhere who believe in goodwill, justice and freedom!" He took a breath. "So he really gets cranky when he hears it. Okay?"
They nodded silently, smiling painfully.
"Well then! That's all you need to know. Have you any more questions?"
They shook their heads quickly.
"Then this is where I say my goodbye and take my leave." He whistled, and his baby came running quickly.
He plucked him up. "Mr. Gobbles, I know you have not ever been away from home before. I am sure you are scared, even if it is still on the Homestead. But I need you to be a big boy for me, okay? Be courageous. I know you can be, for you are a novice of the Brotherhood. You show courage every single time you put on your hood. I know you will make me proud, and behave for Aunt Prudence and Uncle Warren. I will come back to retrieve you tomorrow. Don't cry now!" He said quickly, even though the tears were certainly not being shed by Mr. Gobbles. "This is as hard for me as it is for you! But we have to be strong!" His voice cracked.
"I didn't know he could cry. Did you know he could cry?" Warren whispered. Prudence shook her head, just watching this display in silent awe.
He set Mr. Gobbles down and saluted him. "Farewell, my little soldier. Mama will be back tomorrow." Shoulders shaking, he turned towards the door. "Thank you very much!" He choked out to Prudence and Warren, before quickly running from the cabin. He knew if he so much as looked behind him, he would lose his nerve and turn around. And he had to lead by example, no matter how hard and painful this was.
Mr. Gobbles looked at the door, at the small mountain of 'bare essentials', and finally at his babysitters. A few long moments passed in silence as they regarded each other. Finally, he nudged his ball down the hallway in an effort to look innocent and not up to anything.
"Maybe we should have had a baby... so we could practice before taking care of this turkey." Prudence said quietly. Warren nodded.
Shipping Can Be Dangerous 8/Never Gonna Let You Down
(Anonymous) 2015-06-09 12:42 am (UTC)(link)"I have to have my sketchpad. I need to do the outlines while I can see them." Charles huffed. "Talk to the two jerks who brought a notebook each!"
"We have to be able to take individual notes and compile them. The writing process is delicate! You focus on the illustrations, you certainly brought enough pencils for them." Pitcairn said sharply.
"I concur! You have the gall to talk about our two little notebooks when you've an entire case of just...... pencils?" Johnson asked, quite offended.
"They aren't the same kind of pencils! They make different lines, and of course I need the ones for shading, and..... you try drawing a realistic Native penis with one fucking pencil, how about that? No? Then shut up." Charles growled. "Ow! Hickey, watch it, that's my elbow."
"Not me, Charlie boy." He grunted.
"Sorry." Johnson whispered.
"Who's got their knee in my groin area - OW! Hickey!" Pitcairn yowled.
"Couldn't resist. Serves ya' right for packin' like women without the decency of carryin' a purse. Now shut yer' gobs. Ya' wanna get caught?" Hickey hissed.
"Hm..... come to think of it..... there's a lot of haystacks around." Johnson mused. "I mean, there's no hiding place except for haystacks. Haystacks everywhere. You think maybe....?"
"Wha', that Assassin's just go 'round from haystack to haystack? Idiot. Here we have to make do. But why in God's name would any bloke go fer' a fuckin' haystack when there's..... literally anything else?"
"Yeah, like tall grass."
"Tall grass does fuck all to hide a man, Charlie."
"I'm just saying, maybe we should have the Grandmaster look into it."
"Hey, Haytham ol' pal, we was spyin' on ya' pickin' up yer' son for the fuck-a-thon... real nice show, by the by.... and it occurred to me, in a moment of genius, that maybe Assassin's are particularly drawn to fuckin' haystacks. I mean, there jus' happened to be a lot on the Homestead, real suspicious..... but lucky fer' us at the time. Charlie could never have marked down the birthmark on yer' arsecheek otherwise, cuz' you'd have seen us, and we'd not be able to write our book, cuz' we'd be dead! Oh, wait, oops."
"Point taken..... you're right...... it's a rather silly notion."
"Course I'm right. I'm always right - Look, there they are! Christ, he already can't keep his mitts off the boy."
"He doesn't wait around to start showing dominance, does he? Shame we can't hear them, he's really giving him what for. Oh, but he's definitely the one taking it up the rear, right Johnson?"
"Shut up. I will have my day when we pen the sequel."
~{}~
"Just let me check on him once before we go!" Connor whined, trying to dig his heels in. "No, no, no! I am not being held up by a turkey! Especially that turkey, that turkey is evil!" Haytham growled, dragging him, inch by inch. "He's not evil, he's a precious gift from the spirits and he's adorable and he kicks all kinds of ass and you're just jealous!"
"Jealous!? Of a turkey? You.... ugh, overestimate..... my desire to be in your..... presence.... Jesus, lad, what do you eat!?"
"Did.... did you just call me fat?" Connor blinked, stunned. Haytham used the distraction to jerk him forward a few steps. "Don't despair, you just aren't my type." He said pointedly. "I'm sure there's someone who finds you just lovely."
"......So I'm lovely then?"
"No - I mean, yes, but - I - Well, of course! You're half me, half Ziio, of course you are very good looking. I'd just prefer something with a vagina is all. Now stop being so bloody sensitive and come along!"
"I want to check on Mr. Gobbles! Who, may I add, is going to take your face off and wear it when I tell him you called me fat!"
"If I don't get to see my hat, you don't get to see your turkey! Quit being difficult and mind me! I'm your father! Your faaaaather. And you're not fat, you are just incredibly heavy!"
"You know, I don't have to take this." Connor jerked his arm free. "There are plenty of people who would go camping with me, thank you very much, and would not insult me!"
"In case you haven't noticed, lad, I'm kind of mean sometimes. Maybe you aren't drawn to that type, you ever think of that? If you think really hard, perhaps you don't want someone bossing you around and being cruel to.... Connor Kenway, you stop blushing this instant!" He wailed.
"I am not blushing! You're blushing!"
"Well I am now! I don't know what you're thinking in that head of yours but you have five seconds to.... to stop thinking it!"
"Oh, I'm sorry! I don't want someone bossing me around, remember!" He blushed harder.
"Oh, yeah, sure you don't, of course not, what am I thinking - Oh, wait, could it be certain stories from your own mouth!?" Haytham accused.
He's teasing me about my boyfriend. He doesn't approve of him and he's going to nag and scold me mercilessly until I break up with him. He's a homophobe and he can't stand the thought of his son, even one he hates, being in love with a man. Hickey opened his mouth and he knows everything and I'm never getting drunk again and I'm going to crawl into the nearest haystack and curl up and die and Mr. Gobbles will have to lead the Brotherhood because no, I'm done, I quit life, I fucking quit life.
".....so that is what this is about." He groaned, pulling his hood over his face.
"Yes, that's what this is about! We are setting this right, starting now, by camping! Now you get your hide in that forest right now, or so help me, I will beat the fat right off of you!"
"Well - Well at least I'm not fat and old! Like you are! You are both!" He yelled, running towards the forest.
"You get back here and say that to my face, boy!" Haytham snarled, running after him.
"I would, but I don't wanna look at your ugly face! Only a mother could love that face!"
"Your mother loved it just fine! And a lot more besides!" He sneered.
Connor turned on his heels without stopping, and before Haytham could feel properly smug, he was pounced on and strong hands were around his neck.
~{}~
"Jesus, save it fer' the woods." Hickey sighed heavily. "This haystack is killin' me."
"Well, you know how it is with power struggle couples. Fighting always leads to heavy petting, at best." Johnson said, amused. "By the way, Connor is on top."
"Indeed. It's going to be fun, seeing him be put in his place." Pitcairn shot back.
"What are they doing? I can't really see from this far awa - Fuck!"
"What?"
"I dropped my pencil! I need that one!"
"Charlie, don't ya' even think about it. The dicks will look fine!"
"That's my best shading pencil....."
"Have a moment of silence fer' it and quit whinin', ya' great big pussy."
"Hickey? Words can hurt." Charles said quietly.
"Ya' know what would hurt a lot more? If I threw ya' outta this haystack and watched them skin ya' alive before ya' could get a word in."
"........."
"Yeh, thought so."
Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 8/Never Gonna Let You Down
(Anonymous) 2015-10-19 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Shipping Can Be Dangerous 8/Never Gonna Let You Down
(Anonymous) - 2020-09-02 06:11 (UTC) - Expand